Yesterday my world imploded

Hi, I didn't sleep last night and spent the majority of the night bawling my eyes out like a little girl and trying to figure out what went wrong and why it was my fault. I stumbled across this forum and before even registering I found it help. I have no support system(more on that later), we were both a bit introverted.

My wife(41) of 13 years upended my world yesterday when I(40) confronted her. It all started Tuesday, I was at work and she was at the gym. It was getting late and the kids had Taekwondo practice to get to, she wasn't home. I called and messaged her trying to see if I needed to leave work a bit early to get them there, no answer. So I did want any other overly paranoid previously cheated on person would do. I pinged her Car GPS just to see if she was rolling and on the way home. Except she wasn't. The car has been stationary for an hour on a street miles away from the gym...

Que the return call 5 minutes later and she's on her way home. She gets the kids to class and I finish my day at work. We both arrive home at the same time pretty much at this point. Give the kids the go ahead to have a whatever you want night for dinner. I suggest we grab a shower. We do, then after we proceed to have sex and we go about like nothing else.
But it just kept eating away at me. The car not where it was supposed to be. GPS is pretty accurate. But the sex... I thought to myself there's no flipping way she could have been with someone else, then pretty much come home and be with me. So I let it go, for 2 days...

Until I let the paranoia eat me from the inside long enough that I finally grabbed her damn watch off the charger and scrolled through her messages and my heart sank. I immediately asked to speak with her in private and confronted her about the whole thing. And she messed up. There was no arguing. Not even the blame game nothing. And I asked why, and the only answer I get is "I don't know why". But of course that shit right there is BS.

We were gonna go out that night with my folks and take the kids to get treats. But I called Mom and asked if they could just take the kids because we had some stuff to take cash of, conveniently enough our AC had just gone out earlier that day as well. I mentioned not having support before and now I'll explain. I very much know my parents would support me and help me in any way they can, but I also no my parents. They would do everything they could to poison the kids against my wife. Some of your may say oh well that's what she deserves, but even given everything, she's still an incredible mother who loves her children, even if she performed a deed that could end the family. I would absolutely never be so spiteful as to try and turn our kids against her. I am going it alone right now until we figure out what we are and want to be and will be. So they came and got the kids, and that's when it got worse... And better? I dunno.

We talked. And it turned from I don't know into the things you would expect. You're lazy, you poke fun at me, I've been thinking about leaving, I wanted to kill myself... But we are past that now, thanks to this forum and the useful help you have all provided so far. I told her I absolutely will not listen to how this is my fault and how I started the spiral for her towards the arms of another man. So she seems to have accepted that she won't blame me. Small victory for me and hopefully a step in the right direction towards reconciliation.

I asked her to explain to me what happened. Met resistance at first, but got the, we were just friendly coworkers, we chatted. Then we started flirting then one thing led to another and boom. 4 times. I Tuesday was the last time apparently. I asked her what if I hadn't caught them, or confronted her but allegedly after we had sex Tuesday the guilt was too much to bear. Even though she was still talking to him this morning.

Then the big ask. Said you were considering leaving already... Said you already cheated... Are we done? She tried to flip it back to me and say why would I want her after everything, I put the kabosh on that and said no... What do you expect/want. She said she wanted to fix what she did. So I go into how to fix it mode. We agree that we will at least attempt some sort of counseling together. She agrees also to individual counseling. I made it very clear that I will cut ties and take my chances if I even catch a small wiff that she is not putting forth 100% effort and sincerity towards rectification. I truly hope it doesn't come to that. I really want to believe we can work through this and save our family. She messaged him right in front of me, called it off, said no more communication, blocked his number, blocked him on social media, deleted all the naughty pictures in her Google drive. I asked her if she would transfer to another facility just to not be around him anymore and she said she would. I know I have to be in my guard. I know it's a long road ahead. I know I need to get tested and so does she and she agreed even though she swears they used protection. I also know I prolly need to get an attorney in line. I want to protect my kids. Can we make it folks? Am I just pissing in the wind here? I want to find out. Wish me luck and the strength to endure it. Thanks for the support.

20 comments posted: Saturday, June 28th, 2025