Not sure what to expect
My story is in my bio.
First time posting on here. I was recommended to join for support and advice.
As it stands now I'm 90% out of the marriage. A lot of the time over the last few weeks I've just wanted her to leave.
Not because I don't want us to work.
I just don't know if she's being honest when she says she wants to try.
I don't know what to expect from her which is the problem I think. There isn't really a handbook for this.
I don't know if she has cut contact with her AP. I've not told her to or made any demands at all. It needs to be her choice.
She did say she's cut contact and told him. But I just dont believe that someone who messaged her multiple times a day. Who activly tried to make me want to leave her and who told her he loves her many times would just go "ok I won't contact you again"
So either shes not cut contact or shes lying about him still contacting her or hes got amazing self restraint.
I'm not checking her phone or her messages and I know that may be some people's idea of the wrong thing to do. But I cant rebuild trust if I'm not prepared for it to be broken.
We start couples therapy on Tuesday. Organised originally by her as its covered by her work.
We're on a short break away together with the kids right now as we are keeping things normal for them. And we thought it would be good just to get away for a bit.
Its been a tough week. Because of the accommodation we're sharing a bed. She picked the accommodation which I took as a positive sign. But while we've shared a bed there is a definite barrier there. There's not even accidental touching. I did bring it up and said it's like she can't even bring herself to touch my hand. Her answer was not wanting to give false hope before we know where we are.
I'm not sure exactly what to expect but she just feels cold and that had been how she was before d day. Which now i know was because she had a relationship and doing anything with me felt like cheating ironically. Shes not said that. It's how I interrupted the situation.
Roll on couples therapy so maybe we can get some useful tools to have conversations and understand each other's thoughts. Not expecting a magic fix. I just want a neutral third party to help facilitate these conversations without us falling into silence (me mainly) or shifting the conversation (her mainly).
18 comments posted: Monday, June 2nd, 2025
