Shattered

Hey everyone,

I don't know what to do. I (36M) jave been married to my WW (35) for 5 years, together for 8. We have a beautiful daughter (3). I long thought our marriage was strong. We would have regular date nights, I'd write her personalised cards reminding her of my love for her at least weekly. I loved her, and I think a bit of me still does.

However, a few months ago, I noticed her growing more distant, picking fights over petty things, etc. She would always refuse when I tried to initiate, which rarely happened historically. I initially attributed it to stress - she had been working later hours at her job, or so she claimed -, but she became so irritable. She became less attentive to our daughter, and wouldn't acknowledge my small gestures of affection, and began treating the cards like they were nothing, when she used to relish them.

Then the bomshell hit. A few days ago, came home from work a few days ago to my wife sitting on the couch alone. She wanted to talk, and I didn't know whether to feel relieved or terrified. She said her mum has our daughter, which was the first major shock. She told me that she's been cheating on me for a few weeks now. I still don't know who. Needless to say, my entire world was destroyed in an instant. I'm fairly certain I was close to having a panic attack, which has never happened before. She stated that she was feeling as though I didn't love her like I used to, which left me baffled. I've always tried to be an attentive husband, and up until recently we've had no major issues. If she felt emotionally or sexually neglected, she never mentioned it. She always seemed satisfied.

I'm still flummoxed by all of this. My mind is a wreck and I feel as though I could burst into tears at any time. I wouldn't want to reconcile if it wasn't  for our daughter, but since the revelation she's become even more hostile, and is trying to blame me for her A, which I've told her I won't tolerate. I told her that adultery is a form of domestic abuse toward me and our daughter, since she may now have to be raised in a broken household. That very thought is enough to shatter my heart completely. She dismissed it as hyperbole. I've never seen her so callous.

Does anybody have any good coping advice?

13 comments posted: Sunday, March 30th, 2025