Surprised and kind of understand but still hurts

My wife and I have been married for 15 years we have 3 kids. We have been together since freshman year of high-school. She comes from a one parent dysfunctional home and moved in with me and my family as soon as we met. She became pregnant at 17 with our first child. Years passed by so fast and our family continued to grow, we moved out and next thing you know we have 3 kids and are about to celebrate our 15th anniversary.

She is a great mother and great wife who also works full time but we both could tell that life had become monotonous and very busy. All of our children played or play sports so our life consists of practices,games,school events or just running them back and forth to friends houses. We did make time for ourselves and sent the night at hotels to go concerts. However our sex life had become nonexistent. We were always too tired or afraid the kids might still be up. We would try in the mornings before the kids would get up but she would just say hurry up or sometimes not in the mood. She does suffer from bouts of depression every few months and I will admit I was not very supportive I would always tell her to get over it or it's not that bad. We had become distant and when we got home we would just go with the daily routine and play on our phones. She would always tell me she didn't mind it because we work so hard and that was our down time.

I worked 6 days a week for months so we could have a vacation of a lifetime to celebrate our 15th anniversary. We had a blast and things seemed to be getting better. When we returned we visited friends and they introduced us to a card game. My wife because obsessed with it. When we left she downloaded an online card game so she could practice. Fast forward 2 months and I received a message on social media saying that my wife was cheating on me. I asked her what that could possibly be about and she just denied it. I contacted this person back and he gave me all the details. It turns out he randomly met my wife on this game and they began messaging each other. Over a few weeks he ask for her number and they began texting. It turned into sexting with nudes and videos being exchanged. He told me she told him she was divorced but he started to suspect she wasn't so he looked her up. He found both our social media accounts and saw we just returned from our trip and seemed like a happy couple. He claims this upset him because he had been cheated on before and ended things with my wife immediately. He claims she didn't want it to end and continued to try to engage in sexting even sending more pictures and videos. He said he told her he was going to tell me and she stopped. She blocked him from the game which they played every day and night from the time they met until the last day.

I am surprised but kind of understand but it really hurts.
I also feel somewhat silly compared to all the heartbreaking stories I have read on here.
Some things I find comfort in are that it was random meaning she didn't go looking for it. It was with a stranger she never met in person. He confirmed that he lives 8 hours away and never met her. However it doesn't hurt like nothing i have ever experienced before. I would always ask for nudes and she would say that's weird why do you want that for. And I was sexually frustrated as I am sure she was. She is a very low sex drive person all of ours lives which really surprised me to hear the things she did.

Looking for advice on how to handle the situation or for people who have experienced something similar. Thanks

31 comments posted: Saturday, February 8th, 2025

Surprised and kind of understand but still hurts

My wife and I have been married for 25 years we have 3 kids. We have been together since freshman year of high-school. She comes from a one parent dysfunctional home and moved in with me and my family as soon as we met. She became pregnant at 17 with our first child. Years passed by so fast and our family continued to grow, we moved out and next thing you know we have 3 kids and are about to celebrate our 15th anniversary.

She is a great mother and great wife who also works full time but we both could tell that life had become monotonous and very busy. All of our children played or play sports so our life consists of practices,games,school events or just running them back and forth to friends houses. We did make time for ourselves and sent the night at hotels to go concerts. However our sex life had become nonexistent. We were always too tired or afraid the kids might still be up. We would try in the mornings before the kids would get up but she would just say hurry up or sometimes not in the mood. She does suffer from bouts of depression every few months and I will admit I was not very supportive I would always tell her to get over it or it's not that bad. We had become distant and when we got home we would just go with the daily routine and play on our phones. She would always tell me she didn't mind it because we work so hard and that was our down time.

I worked 6 days a week for months so we could have a vacation of a lifetime to celebrate our 15th anniversary. We had a blast and things seemed to be getting better. When we returned we visited friends and they introduced us to a card game. My wife because obsessed with it. When we left she downloaded an online card game so she could practice. Fast forward 2 months and I received a message on social media saying that my wife was cheating on me. I asked her what that could possibly be about and she just denied it. I contacted this person back and he gave me all the details. It turns out he randomly met my wife on this game and they began messaging each other. Over a few weeks he ask for her number and they began texting. It turned into sexting with nudes and videos being exchanged. He told me she told him she was divorced but he started to suspect she wasn't so he looked her up. He found both our social media accounts and saw we just returned from our trip and seemed like a happy couple. He claims this upset him because he had been cheated on before and ended things with my wife immediately. He claims she didn't want it to end and continued to try to engage in sexting even sending more pictures and videos. He said he told her he was going to tell me and she stopped. She blocked him from the game which they played every day and night from the time they met until the last day.

I am surprised but kind of understand but it really hurts.
I also feel somewhat silly compared to all the heartbreaking stories I have read on here.
Some things I find comfort in are that it was random meaning she didn't go looking for it. It was with a stranger she never met in person. He confirmed that he lives 8 hours away and never met her. However it doesn't hurt like nothing i have ever experienced before. I would always ask for nudes and she would say that's weird why do you want that for. And I was sexually frustrated as I am sure she was. She is a very low sex drive person all of ours lives which really surprised me to hear the things she did.

Looking for advice on how to handle the situation or for people who have experienced something similar. Thanks

0 comment posted: Wednesday, February 5th, 2025