Paralyzed

Just like all of you, I never thought I would be here. My husband and I have been high school sweethearts. Besides about a 1.5 year break up in college, we’ve been together for about 17 years, 10 of which has been long distance, including now. We are both in very demanding jobs that require a lot of training/ schooling and long hours. I found out 2 weeks ago about my husband’s EA with a married co-worker. Nothing physical (hugs, kisses on cheek, held hand once) but definitely full blown emotional intimacy. Her husband found out, so mine flew into town to tell me in person. In this convo he also told me about a year ago, when he was very drunk, he felt up a girl (according to him, she laid on his lap, played with his hair etc) on a uber ride home. And lastly he also told me that when we were broken up in college, he had sex with someone and never told me.
I am so confused and hurt by all of this. The information withholding for years, both the act of physically touching someone and then being in an EA, all combined seems like a pattern? I feel like our entire relationship has been a lie. Before I found out about all of this, I thought we had a wonderful relationship. The last 1.5 years have been a bit harder (my job for more stressful) but I have never doubted our love for each other.
We will officially end the long distance in 5 months and he will be moving to where I am. I have been looking forward to this for so long but now it all feels crazy.
He is remorseful and wants to make this marriage work but I am doubting his sincerity.
He is now seeking IC and wants to do MC. I am unable to make a decision.

6 comments posted: Friday, January 17th, 2025