Need advice

Hi!
I am new here, so please let me know if I make any mistakes and I apologize in advance.
I am married for 11 years, together for 14. Both me and my husband make a great team in everything. We started from having too little and we managed to get almost everything we wanted. We are doing everything together and we have gone through some tough situations over the years, but we always had each other's back. There was always communication, good sex, having fun, the occasional arguments, but nothing any other couple won’t have. In the beginning of this year his father went through some serious health problems which caused my husband a lot of stress and anxiety(he suffers from anxiety and panic attacks), mostly because they have a strong bond and all the pressure was on him. I focused all my energy in supporting him, but somehow I neglected him as well, trying to support his parents as well and solve any problems that occurred and were solvable. Because of that we stopped talking about how WE feel and how this affects us as a couple, and he closed off to me, to not put more pressure on me. To give you a whole picture he always put me first, because of him living with anxiety since he was 19 and knowing how to cope with it, he didn’t always tell me when he was down because he says I do a lot for him and I don’t need to have this on my shoulders as well. To get back to the story…he closed down completely and I missed it…being too focused on getting everything sorted for his father to get better. His father did get better and I started noticing my husband being "strange", more time on the phone, not really present when we were together, small things. In May I found out, by accident that he met with a coworker in a park and they kissed. When confronted, he told me that they met only once and they kissed, nothing more. He did it because he wanted to talk about anything else than his father dying, doctors, diets and because he felt useless, he got so scared about loosing his father and I did everything right but he didn’t have anyone to tell his pain too. He said that I have every right to do anything, including divorce because he messed up, he was glad I found out so things won’t go further than kissing. i decided to try and get past this, because in a way he was right, he did betray me but we do amazing things while together. My problem now is, that even though we are back to being awesome together, sometimes when he is out with his friends my insecurities kick in and I get suspicious on everything. He didn’t give me any reasons to doubt him again..but I cannot control it. Is it normal? Will this ever go away? We do love each other and make a perfect team. At home and when we are together I feel happy and and at peace, but if he goes out…

18 comments posted: Saturday, July 6th, 2024