Found out 5 days before our anniversary

5 days before my wedding anniversary in February, my coworker/one of my best friends (now ex) and I went out for happy hour and some drinks. We Ubered there and back to be safe. We end the night around 11 pm and go back to my place. We are both a little tipsy but not wasted. We go down to the basement to play pool with my husband (who is tipsy at this point as well). I fall asleep 20 feet away, only to wake up to the sounds of my coworker moaning. There she was, bent over on of the sofas with her pants off and they have no shame. My kids were upstairs as well. My teenager heard the moans as well. As soon as they realized I woke up, they stopped and tried to tell me they made a mistake and it’s never happened before. I still work with this girl, which has been extremely hard. But I’ve been been with this company for almost 10 years. I was there first and this is my job. This is where I want to spend the rest of my career and I will not let her ruin that for me. She has blocked me on everything and even told others that I am either lying or that she was drugged and he took advantage of her. This infuriates me because when I woke up, I was completely sober (I breathalized before leaving with the kids and I was 0.00). She was not drugged. It was most definitely consensual. As angry with him as I am, I’m furious she won’t take accountability and is spreading lies. She is just so willing to end a 5 year friendship. I feel like I’m mourning the loss of my marriage and a friendship. Luckily, I’ve been at my company for so long and I have a great relationship with my supervisor. I have told her what happened and she is doing her best to make sure that me and her do not have to interact. It makes it easier that we’re both remote, and although we’re in the same department, we are on different teams. I immediately retained a lawyer and was prepared to file for divorce. I was looking for new apartments that me and my children can live in. My husband says this is his rockbottom and he immediately checked himself into a 30 day rehab for alcoholism. He has been sober for almost 90 days. He is more engaged with the children and the house, which was a problem previously in our marriage. He is helping me clean and cook. He is helping me take care of the children whereas before I used to joke that I was a single mom, but also married at the same time. He isn’t staying out all night drinking with his friends like he used to. He is attending AA meetings and has a sponsor. He is going through the 12 steps. I have seen him do a 180 and do a complete change and see that he is really making a true effort on fixing this marriage. Part of the 12 steps is righting your wrongs and admitting your wrongs to those you hurt. Well, come to find out this is not the first time he has betrayed me. He is military and on his way to and from Afghanistan he would stop in Dubai often for a few days and be permitted to explore. He has told me that he has sex with a prostitute there and insist that he used a condom. He has also told me that he has gone to a massage parlor and received a happy ending. These two incidents occurred 7 and 11 years ago. I am utterly disgusted. Not only did he cheat on me, he paid someone to do it. I’m questioning things all over again. Should I have stopped the divorce process? Again, he has made a 180 but I don’t think I can ever trust him ever again. I am so beyond heartbroken.

7 comments posted: Wednesday, May 8th, 2024