Found out amidst other life problems..numb

Well hello, where do I start..my mum died last year, I was here with her, and for the weeks before. WS came down and wrote the eulogy for her funeral, supportive practically but emotionally, no….. he rolling his eyes and shaking head whilst I’m dealing with solicitors with a mashed head. Roll on 2 weeks and I get diagnosed with a rare eye disease, brushed it off as I’m trying to deal with beginnings of grieving, ( I have one good eye I’ll be fine I thought, that’s changed). Dealing with all of this, weekly eye visits, probate, mothers tenant etc etc had been rather my who,e life for a year now, I know I’ve not been easy to live with but still working and doing all the day to day chores of life. He is retired.
pre Christmas and WS gets a new phone, and hogs it like it’s part of his body.My suspicions are aroused but keep dismissing as everything else crowding in (as well as worrying about dead sisters son and normal life stuff)..no help, no empathy no nothing regarding all this..all comes to a head when I find pictures on his old phone,my gut instinct was right so I checked and found selfies and then the nudes..
unfortunately it’s weeks before he returns and although I’ve asked him all the questions and hes answered them, and he’s apologised twice and agrees to IC and MC, I’ve struggled to talk to him, despite him showing me his phone and laptop, he’s had a long time to delete anything..but he still won’t show me one app..
he’s been to one IC, now thinking about whether to go to another solitary or MC with me. I’ve flipped out big style, never flipped like that ever, cried and cried, apologised for flipping out, and now I’m numb, I don’t know who he is anymore, the worst was when he returned, he acted like nothing had happened..just moaned about the travel, made dinner a couple of times, picked me up from class (can’t see at night to drive) but cant start the conversation about his indiscretion. He swears when I ask about anything to do with the A.
I’m due back at IC next week, he can come if he decides to.
So I’m just being civil at the moment as I’m expecting a turn around from him, but I’m let down as he’s not giving it. I know we can’t make anyone apologise , but I’m feel stunned he’s acting this way. I just didn’t expect it. Maybe it would have been different if I’d found out whilst WS was at home.i don’t know, but I just don’t know what to do now. I’m sorry this is very rambling.

42 comments posted: Saturday, April 13th, 2024