Unwilling to leave, Unable to stay

So... Welcome to me i guess, after trying all possible ways there was no escape to reach that conversation and it took place for the last time on 6/3/2023..

after an affair that lasted 6 month, she ( my AP ) realized that ending it is the best for both of us, she need to move on with her life and i need to focus on my family, we always knew that this day will come but thinking and planing for it is one thing, but facing it is a whole different animal.
we tried to end the affair 3 times before but it spiraled up always 2 or 3 days after, this time it is different since she moved out of the country for a new job and she though best to take this opportunity to end it properly.

im not here to be judged, im here since i spent most of the night reading the posts and it helped a lot to figure out what should be done and how to get over this.

i am married, with a 3 yrs old son, me and my wife drifted apart for a while since she moved out for a job and void took place, my AP is a coworker and i was her manager, the moment i saw her we felt something inside like we know each others way before that but never spoke about it till 8 month after where a simple casual phone call turned into a full night conversation ..then the day after.. then the day after and then we met , and it blew up into a full physical and emotional affair daily for 6 month ... we shared everything and anything, the sex was mind blowing but the most important thing was that connection ...the emotional part and we fell in love so hard ..

now knowing that i can not leave my family and she is moving away both ways, she chose to back off and end it last month, but we maintained daily contact texting and calls till a week ago where she asked for no contact.. i disregarded her demand and we were fine, but the thing is that she is falling for me more and she can't move on with me in her life even though she loves me so, so we went no contact at all as of last night.
i am focusing now on my family , wife and kid since it is not their fault that i fell inlove for someone else, i don't want to destroy them at all..i know i love my wife but it is maybe that passion and wild stuff what i miss...

i will miss my AP like hell, since daily we spoke bout everything and felt free...that connection can't be found with just anyone, but now i do have to let her go...i will not lie, i am hoping that she contact me when she is ready just to maintain that connection even though nothing will be physical..i know it is wrong and i should sever all ties, i did , i removed her from everywhere, but i am so confused and my mind is blurry as hell...

don't judge me...im here for support not judgement , i am already giving myself hell.

15 comments posted: Tuesday, March 7th, 2023