Relapse, NC rules broken
I discovered my spouse was having an emotional affair (with some limited physical contact) in 2009. He was committed to reconciliation, and we worked with a couple's counselor for years, making great strides. However, the AP was always in our life as she is someone he works with. You can probably imagine what comes next. Last week I discovered they were back to messaging each other in the evening and using affectionate terms like "babe" and "my love." I am hurt and angry. He insists nothing was starting back up (but doesn't have an explanation for why this communication started up again) and recognizes how much of a breach this was. He is remorseful and willing to go to counseling on his own to help unpack why he would do this, knowing that a condition of our reconciliation was no personal contact with her. I keep thinking of them as addicts, unable to break this hold and control themselves. His job is very important to him, but in retrospect I was naive to think that they could keep working together. He wants "credit" for the 13 years he didn't slip up, but I am really devastated.
I would love advice from anyone whose spouse continues to work with their AP who has successfully navigated NC.
10 comments posted: Tuesday, November 15th, 2022
