Trilobite
BS 53
WS 57
Dday 12/10/2022
20 years together, married 2018
Thinking about if it worths R

Just want to tell to someone...

Hi, glad that I found this group to share a bit of my situation. Excuse my english mistakes cause I am not native english.I am married for 19 years, I am 53 and my partner 57. We have a 17 year old daughter. We met via internet long ago and it was a very passionate beggining (we were from different countries). We had a lot in common and a very happy relationship for some time, always our daily life was goood. When my daughter was 2 or 3 years old, he had a man´s crises (lets say it this way) and started to talk to someone via internet but, at that time, we discussed about and fixed our relationship. Recently, 5 years ago, he was fired from his job and it became very difficult to find something like what he had before. So, he was frustrated with his life. I knew it, but he is difficult to express emotions and I, by my side, was aswell having my difficulties getting old (menopause). Regarding our financial situation, we never had any problem, cause I have a very good job and we always had vaccations, traveled a lot. So, the lost of his job had no impact in our financial situation, just on himself, cause he feels himself a looser.. So, I am trying to resume the situation te more I can...We were living together till 2018 ( not married by law) . Then at that time , he insisted in us get married and we did, after so many years. What I have to point is that our marriage was perfect from my point o f view...no fights, very good husband regarding behaviour, good father, good company, help always in the house.. I was happy. For sure, the last years, sex got less, interest decreased from both sides but we never discussed about it, he doesnt talk about emotions, as I said before. Last 12 of october , I was surprised by a message in my facebook. The message (were 2 messages) were sent in May and in September this year. I did not perceive it till October, cause this year I suffered a very serious accident...broke both bones in my leg and was days in hospital, made 2 surgeries and 3 months without walking. He took care of me. The messages were sent from someone not my friend, so I just realise that day in October. They destroyed my perfect world.....a woman telling me that had an affair with him and got pissed, cause he left without further explanations and she saw him again in Ashey Madison (internet platform for married people to cheat) and that he went out with several women there ..I confronted him, he told me it was truth, never denied anything and answered all I asked ( i did not asked too much)...but he is a very closed person, never tells what he is feeling...he hides emotions, cant cry in any circumstance. Now I am thinking what to do and how to proceed. I decided not to do all in a hurry, specially because we will see our daughter in december ( she studies in Europe and we travel to see her). I told him, write me a letter, he did and said he does not want the divorce cause he loves me... and I wrote one to him aswell telling how I felt. I told him, we discuss how it will be our relationship next year cause I dont want to ruin my Xmas. Things are very difficult for me now, some days are good and looks I almost forget and some are painfull. I am thinking 24/7 about this and I have moments of crying ( specially at night) trying to tell him how I feel to release the pain from me....and I am thinking about asking the divorce next year, in any way, when my kid is 18 years old and it will be easier. Even, if after the paper work, he wants to stay living with me and we decide to rebuilt our marriage. I want to be divorced by law...cause I wil feel better, My marriage was a a fake, he married me having an affair...what a crazy behaviour. I feel so ashmed of being so idiot and could not talk to anyone till now, I dont even want to talk to anybody, feel ashmed... There is so much to tell, but this is a short resume.

4 comments posted: Saturday, November 12th, 2022