Paperwork starting

Original post here

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/654120/wife-sending-nudes-to-co-worker/

Despite the clear direction of our collapsed marriage and disgusting betrayal I long for control. I wanted her to give me the choice on reconciling or not. Their contact continues and I have every reason to believe that the affair does too. So at the guidance of everyone here I have begun separation.

I think, on my own, I would have tried harder to save the marriage which would have been foolish in the face of the signs. She cheated, she left, she began collecting her things, separating out the assets she wanted and living her “normal” life with a smile on her face. Despite all this she told me she wasn’t sure what she wanted. She told me she was sorry, she acted without remorse.

I’ve been listening to a help book that divides responses to these life traumas as angry, sad & withdrawn. (Very oversimplified here). But I have come to learn, in talking to her mother how withdrawn she really is. The mother knows so little about her own daughter and is as shocked as me. From what I know about their checkered past I do believe this is the truth.

Looking forward, I can only hope that she will give me the clean split she promises. Of course I have no reason to believe anything she promises but…a boy can dream. I am doing my best to mentally and legally prepare for a shift in her claim.

I slept more than 3 hours for the first time since DDay but had nightmares about WW’s betrayal. I was also not sad for part of last night and almost let myself believe that was fading…ha. I think I was literally out of emotional energy. Something I didn’t know I could experience. And I broke down again writing this post.

I will be looking for a support group (email sent to beyondaffairs) and starting therapy. Also reaching out to all the friends I lost touch with over the years.

I can tell already that the hardest part of this for me long term will be the immense hole in my romantic life. I was never the stereotypical guy and hated everything about dating in my early 20s. Never thought I’d have to take the whiteout to that life goals checkbox. I understand the recommended direction is to find yourself again. And I will try, but am being honest about what will be hardest for me.

I also know that support from friends and family will fade in some ways. We will run out of things to say and neither side will want to keep rehashing the past and we will hit a maintenance phase, which is when I expect the loneliness to set in hard.

I’m sure I’ll update more. Thanks all.

12 comments posted: Wednesday, July 14th, 2021