Lost and Hopeless 😢

This is a venting post. I need to just vent my state of mind right now. I didnt even know where to post this.

You ever feel like you are going to have a total breakdown. I don’t know really what that entails…but I imagine it feels like you are completely helpless, overwhelmed and just can’t do it anymore. Thats how I feel right now.

Single mom of divorce. Ex is a classic cheating narc. Two kids, one is in HS the other freshman in college. Both kids in therapy because of the divorce and actions of their dad. Have a very stressful job. Just trying to raise my kids basically on my own and just survive.

I have had so much stress pile up on me lately. I feel like I can never catch a break. It just gets worse and worse.

My son chose a good college. Very specific to his major. I had a very serious talk with him about his major before he left. Wondering if it was a good idea. It is a major that does not have much job security. And explained how much he will have to pay back in loans. I was thinking maybe it was best he go to community college for 2 years. So he has some time to really decide what career he truly wanted. He refused to listen and said this was his dream. That he needed to get away and start over. So off he went. And I am thinking I am being a good mom…seeing him off to start anew and be happy pursuing his dreams.

Well now after a couole weeks he decides…he no longer wants to pursue this major, which would require him to change schools after this semester. This isnt horrible or tragic. It happens. But why couldn’t he have figured this out…BEFORE!!! Before he accepted two loans. Before he used all his 529. Before Before Before!!! Why can’t we all just catch a break!!!!!

I thought all the stress that led up to all this was over once I moved him in and I could finally breathe. But no…now it starts all over. Have to figure out how to transfer him to another school…how do the loans transfer…how to pay for first year of room and board since the 529 is gone. Oh and he will only have 2 gen ed classes to transfer since the other classes he is taking were related to his major.

One one end….I am glad he is switching majors. He honestly would need to in order to truly survive in our world, sadly. But I wish this was realized after at least a semester. After truly experiencing this school/major and then realizing it. But not after just a couple weeks. Come on!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried my very best to avoid this from happening. I try so hard to be a good supportive mom who provide everything she could. I feel guilty for not being honest right away, that maybe his dream wasnt truly a good idea in reality. Demand he go to community college. But how could I do that. He already has one crappy disappointing parent.

The years since the divorce have been so hard. It has affected all of us. My ex is just such a bad person. He tells my kids he will kill himself or tells them things like his cheating wasnt really that bad. Both kids went into therapy which helped. But it has been so hard trying to be there for them, absorb there stress and keep on surviving on my own.

My health and state of mind arent the best. The stress has brought on alopecia which is so hard to deal with especially as a woman. I dont get good sleep. I have gained weight even though I watch what I eat and work out. My job is beyond stressful but I cant change jobs cause the salary is hard to find elsewhere. I just feel trapped in this non stop circle of stress and hopelessness.

I am sure most of what I have said sounds like someone complaining about trivial things. That there are much worse things I could be experiencing. But I am just starting to really feel like I am doomed to live a life of sadness and stress. That maybe this is just plain karma. Karma I didnt think I deserved. That I should just accept it. That this is and will be my life.

7 comments posted: Monday, September 4th, 2023

Can’t get away from the narcissist, even after divorce

Hello all. Haven’t been on here in awhile. Need some advice/thoughts.

My ex is a pure narcissist. And the last 5 years havent been easy. Both my teenage kids are in therapy cause of him and what he has done to all of us. He tries to gaslight my kids and get control/sympathy by saying thing like he will get a gun to kill himself, call the police if they don’t want spend time with him and that no one loves him. He is always pulling something.

Recently my oldest (18) has really been distancing himself from him. He just doesnt like being around him. And comes up with anything to avoid seeing or talking to him.

Instead of my ex thinking he and his behavior could be the cause…he is blaming me. As if I am influencing my son’s opinion about him…which is the furthest from the truth. He just can’t stand that he is losing any control he thought he had and desperately needs to feed his ego.

Now he wants to have a talk with me. I am guessing to express his anger over what he thinks is happening. What he is dreaming up in his head. Why can’t he just leave me alone!!! His relationship with his kids is his creation…not mine.

How do I set this arrogant bastard straight without giving him too much of my time and emotions?

12 comments posted: Tuesday, June 27th, 2023

Argh!! Just Argh!!! Advice needed

So my ass ex is going out of town for 2 weeks. He had my son ask me if he can leave his car in my driveway during that time. Now, I want to say absolutely not. Mainly cause I owe him zip zero nothing!!! He can leave it at one of his precious friend’s house. Or maybe at his married girlfriend’s house. The person he had an affair with and moved over an hour away from his kids for. Oh wait…she dropped him like a bad habit after the divorce. Oops!

Then there is the part of me who knows my teen son wont understand why I wont let this happen. He never vocalizes his feelings about the divorce. But lately he has been showing frustration saying he is sick of his parents not getting along and putting him in the middle of things. So then I think, do I let him for my sons benefit. To show I can be an adult about this even though I 100% dont need to do this. This pissed me off that he has the nerve to ask me this. Like we are friends! And how about asking me yourself…you coward!!!

Any suggestions on how to allow this to happen but in a way that doesnt allow him to think he is getting away with something? Like he always has!

8 comments posted: Saturday, July 17th, 2021

Afraid of what he is capable of...again!!!

My kids and I will be moving to a new place soon. No more renting. When my ex got wind of it of course he got upset. He cant be happy for his kids. Instead he is resentful and is still stewing that he has to give me money every month. Not sure what magical special divorce he thought he was going to get. Cause of what a “great guy” he is. This is divorce buddy! You wanted it! Here it is!

Saw him recently and he had the nerve to tell me how great I looked and that he missed me. Seriously? After the emotional abuse he put me thru after I found out about the affair. Pretending he was working on saving our marriage for months. Driving me to the brink of a nervous breakdown. After all that and he thinks his charms still work on me. WRONG! Such a classic narcissist.

He is going thru some health issues and seems to be struggling physically and emotionally. Unloading his stress on my kids instead of his family and friends. Scaring them. The fairy tale life he thought he would have post divorce isnt panning out. I am afraid this might make him act desperate. Which makes me afraid he is up to something. He just cant see me happy. I am honestly afraid of him and what he is capable of.

So stressed. I dont even know what I am asking for in posting this. Just needed to vent I guess.

8 comments posted: Thursday, April 29th, 2021

Advice please-Child Support/Maintenance

I just bought a house which I am very proud of. I had been renting for the past 3 years since the divorce. My goal has been to get my teenage son a bedroom. He is currently sleeping in a loft/hallway area. He never complains which is what made me want get a room for him even more.

My ex just found out and immediately is scheming to try and mess this up or scare me. He tells the kids “If I lose my job I wont have to pay her.” Ok, that I know is incorrect. He will still have to pay me unless he takes me back to court and tries to get it modified. Which we would have to do all over again if he gets a job again.

The fact that he might lose his job is accurate. But mister wonderful would never go a long time without a job. His manipulative personality will get him a job in no time. But at the same time I could see him dragging his feet just to somehow reduce his payments. It hurts his disgusting soul that he has to give me any of his precious money. Even though it is money to feed and give shelter to his children.

Why cant he just be happy for his son finally getting a decent bedroom. Instead of trying to turn this into a negative. It makes me sick!

Guess I am looking for some positive vibes, advice or anyone who has been thru this. Cause now I am scared about buying this home. I am mad that his scare tactics are actually working on me. I never know what he is capable of and no matter how positive of a space I finally get myself into...I will always be scared of what he is planning next to hurt me!

6 comments posted: Monday, March 29th, 2021

Advice on buying home as single mom

Single divorced mom here who is currently renting. I would love to buy a home and have been approved for a mortgage loan. I am super excited but at the same time scared. The lender used my child support as part of my income but it will be reduced by half in less than 3 years and completely stopped in leas than 5. Wouldnt it be smarter to do my loan without the child support factored in? Makes me nervous to include it if it wont be there as part of my income in the coming years. Anyone have any experience and advice on this?

12 comments posted: Sunday, March 14th, 2021

Covid, exes and child visitation

Hi all, hope you are all surviving this weird time we are experiencing.

How are you all handling this Covid situation with your exes and your kids?

I know everyone has their own beliefs on how seriously to take this virus. My ex and I have completely different views. He thinks it is a big joke and only follows guidelines that he is forced to like wearing a mask in stores. Otherwise he lives his social life as normal. Goes to bars, restaurants, parties and travels out of state without quarantining. He just came back from a trip and was sick when he saw the kids for the weekend which I didnt know about till later. When I called him out on it he said he didnt know what the kids are talking about. Basically calling them liars. Cause he could never admit he could possible make a wrong decision. He wants to bring them to his family’s Thanksgiving indoors with people and kids from different households. Then is going to attempt to bring them across country in December to be around family that is recovering from Covid.

Is it wrong I put my foot down on all these unwise decisions involving my kids during this time of such anxiety and uncertainty?

4 comments posted: Tuesday, November 3rd, 2020

Ex doesnt follow covid guidelines

Hi all, happy to be almost a year post divorce from the master manipulator cheater! Things were pretty good till Covid turned everything upside down and created a new type of stress.

My ex has zero morals or common sense. So of course I worry when my kids are with him. He has already broken the social distancing guidelines many times. He will ask me for permission before doing things just to make himself look like a great coparent. But then do whatever he wants when he is with them and then ask the kids to not tell me. What a great dad. He is so gross.

Anyhow, his family is having a big party next weekend with for sure guests beyond close family. He asked me how I felt about it. I of course dont want them going. His family is pretty void of common sense also. It will be a party as if Covid doesnt exist. I want to say no. My kids are teens but one of them has asthma. So I worry. I have been able to keep them safe so far. But how long can I keep it up. Would love to hear other opinions or thoughts.

2 comments posted: Sunday, July 19th, 2020

Sending child to counselor...

Well I just got my daughter into a counselor to help with all the stress she has been dealing with. From bullying, to the divorce, moving, starting a new school and now this pandemic.

I let my ex know she is seeing a counselor and he asked for their name so be can “look them up”. That shouldn’t be an issue. But I know better. He has never asked for the name of the kid’s doctors. Ever. So it made me think, what is he up to. I think he wants to call and speak to the counselor to try and manipulate them. He cant stand anyone thinking he is anything but a perfect Dad. He didnt even think cheating was wrong. So as far as he knows, and anyone he talks to, he is wonderful. And he will do everything he can to keep it that way.

I actually didnt tell the counselor any bad things about him. That is for my daughter to mention. My question is, if he calls the office will they actually allow him to speak to the counselor? So sad that he is doing this. He is part of the reason she needs to speak to someone. He needs to just back off.

6 comments posted: Tuesday, June 2nd, 2020