I'm the BS. WH had an EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair.
Current and forever status is reconciling. I don't

Did I miss the Christmas Card signup?

Ack! I know it's usually sometime around Halloween and just thought about it now. Did I miss the window - or am I too early?

2 comments posted: Monday, October 24th, 2022

Any parents have bi-sexual kids? Need some guidance.

So my 14 yo daughter has been very secretive about her phone lately, turning it face-down, etc. She also has a friend from church who we've known for years that she's started to want to hang out with more. I thought it was weird, just because this person is a year younger and they weren't ever close until a few months ago. Yesterday, she asked to hang out with this person, and I decided to check her texts. Which I've never done, because I do think kids deserve privacy. What I found was lots of sexually-charged discussions and confirmation that this was definitely a romantic thing. When I asked her about it, she told me at first that it was a joke, then said that yes, this was her girlfriend and that she thinks she might be bisexual.

I'm at a loss here. There are so many levels to this. First, the sexting with an 8th grader, is not okay in my opinion. Male or female. If it was a boy, I'd be talking to his parents. Apparently this girl is not "out" to her parents, so I'm obviously not going to out her. BUT, this girl goes to my church. I'm friendly with her mom (have done bible studies with her for years). Just like an affair, I feel like I have to hold onto yet ANOTHER secret that was not my choice. Also, I'm not even sure how to correctly parent my daughter now. She's lied to us about her relationship with this person, even having sleepovers with her in our home (she chose to do this when I was out of town bc I'm sure she knows I'd be paying more attention than her dad). I don't let her 17 yo brother have his girlfriend sleepover, so it's not like I'm playing favorites here.

THere's also a bigger issue, that in looking at her texts and TikTok's, she is saying that someone in middle school told her to kill herself, that she's had an eating disorder for 5 years, etc. I feel awful that she hasn't shared any of this. We did take her to a therapist last year, but she only went a handful of times and said she was fine. I feel like her life started falling apart when DDay 1 happened. She went from a kid with a ton of activities and friends to someone who is completely different and has trouble keeping friendships going. I'm not even sure if she's really thinking she's bisexual or she just loves the attention that this girl is heaping on her and it's "safe", you know? (But obviously I wouldn't say that to her because I don't want her to think I'm dismissive of her.)

Ugh. I don't know. I don't know what I need. I am just so incredibly tired of life throwing curveballs, especially when I'm still struggling to find my own peace. I guess first and foremost, I don't want to say/do the wrong thing here. She broke up with this girl because she thinks I wanted her to. (I didn't, and told her that, but I told her that she was putting me in a difficult situation with the other girls' parents and that I felt like the physical/sexual aspect of the relationship was a lot, especially when one of them is barely 14 and if this were a boy, I'd have already called his mom and set boundaries on how they could interact. (They see each other bc of church at least 3x/week and go on retreats, do lock-ins, etc.) We are like this with other kid relationships at church (keep a watchful eye) as well as with her brother and his relationships. But I know she sees this (and most things honestly) as a dig at her. How do I support her while also just being a parent of a teenager?

20 comments posted: Tuesday, October 18th, 2022