I need help!! Madhatter who totally fucked up

I need help… I destroyed my whole life, I’m confused and I dont know what to do. I used to post here a lot as the betrayed spouse, back story is my husband was cheating on me from 2009 to 2013, unknown to me…in 2016 he admitted to everything and it destroyed me. We ended up putting in a lot of work in couples therapy and reading books, working on us and things seemed to be coming together and working out… I felt like I finally could trust him again. It had been about 4 years of work…. But then the work stopped and we stopped trying cus life got so busy. A lot of life stuff happened and stress and he became depressed and mean. He can’t deal with our kids and yells all the time, gets too physical with them and is just mean to everyone. I tried to talk to him about it again and again and say we need to work on Things but nothing changes… I don’t have the energy to spear head another whole
Relationship overhaul again and we just get more and more distant. He was miserable and so was I. I messed up bad here. I was friends with a male coworker and ended up getting close to him. It was emotional only and I ended up really caring about him and loving him. The feeling are mutual. My marriage keeps getting worse and worse and my husband doesn’t want to go to counseling. I don’t know what to do because I feel Like at this point I love him and not my husband. I fantasize about divorce and running away with my friend. I don’t know what to do. I know about limerence and rewriting the past etc etc. I’m just so confused, feel Like I destroyed everything cus I can’t bear to be in this marriage at this point. I guess I’m just looking for advice or a 2x4

18 comments posted: Sunday, November 19th, 2023