Kids, Current Partner, ex-WW
Been forever since I've posted. Life moves on as I've learned. I have been in a relationship with the same woman for over 5 years now, which I NEVER believed possible!
I wish to pose a question related to current relationships and interactions with the ex.
Background: Divorce finalized March of 2018. The ex-WW and I have settled into what I consider an innocuous co-parenting relationship with two HS teen boys. We cooperate well with schedules, changes, appointments, even taking the dog if I have to travel or something. I could even go so far as to describe the relationship as "friendly." We agreed early on, even through the post-affair anger and hatred, that we would not splash any of our shit on the kids and have pretty much kept to that paradigm. We aren't in each other's lives so to speak, but we are in our kids' lives, so there is "cross-pollination" so to speak. It's probably the ONLY thing we've done well together! 
Late January this year, the ex-WW's mother passed away after an aggressive and short illness. She was 80 but you'd never guess it by looking at her. Everyone was shocked and saddened. She was always good to me and my boys adored her almost as much as she adored them. She also played a role, way back when, helping to get me into law school.
I also suspect she secretly at least sympathized with me on some level for the things her daughter put me through. I attended memorial service/mass, helped with the kids before and after as the ex dealt with her mother's final illness and passing and generally tried to ease things for all and set an example for my sons.
At the end of May for the youngest's last day of 8th grade "ceremony," she saves a seat both for me (that we've done for the other kid things involving crowds) and one for her late mother because she "should have been here for this, damn it!" We all grieve differently, right?
As we are chatting, primarily about her mom, she's starts to break down some and shares, unsolicited, that she ended her latest relationship the night before. (There have been 3-4 longer term relationships since we split.) I've met him once or twice before as one of his kids and my oldest are friends and paths inevitably cross. I've seen this before, of course. My ex-WW has a knack for treating random, unconnected life events as unified occurrences that victimize her specifically.
As she starts to break down more, I pat her on the back, offering a small manner of comfort mostly about her mom as she tries to collect herself. To me, I was commiserating with her about her mother and offering some comfort to another human being who was grieving the same person I was.
Fast forward to last week. Both kids are in band marching in the school's homecoming parade and performing in the halftime show for the game later that evening. Even in what is a smaller community, the folks here "show up." So our small town is basically madness for 4-5 hours. The ex and I end up finding room in grassy area outside the end zone to watch the first half and half-time show with the kids. We sat and chatted like a coupe of adults with kids in the show.
The woman I've been with and love very much and would enjoy nothing more than finishing this run with, does not like either of these occurrences. Views me as being "too close" and still "emotionally supporting" my ex. That I was cheating. It seems more and more that any interaction with my ex brings us to this argument. The interactions are all kid-related as far as I'm concerned.
I look at it like everything with my ex. How can I get through with as minimal drama as possible? And that's how I've gotten to the place I described above as "friendly." This makes up part of my own "emotional protection" routine. I could be a wounded angry asshole, but kids pick up on that and it's terrible for my own well-being.
I also believe that how I navigate my co-parent relationship with my ex is my choice. If I can't sit next to my ex at a HS football game through half time to watch our kids in the half-time show without upsetting my current partner, I don't think I want to be with that person.
Or am I off base on this?
11 comments posted: Wednesday, October 2nd, 2024
Disposable Phone
Anyone know how to determine the number for a disposable phone? I have the serial #'s etc from the box and a prepaid card, but no access to the phone.
It's an LG Android from Virgin (ha! that's funny!) mobile. Thanks.
1 comment posted: Tuesday, June 27th, 2017
Discovered new way into a phone
For those still snooping or collecting evidence (or trying) with a password protected phone, I discovered something interesting that may enable you to "see" what's on the phone. (If this has been discussed before, I apologize.) What's key to this is if the phone is blue-tooth connected to a newer car. You'll have to be a bit sneaky and a certain physical proximity between the phone and car has to be in place.
Without being seen, if you can get the car to connect to the phone, you won't need the pass code. The car should load at least recent call history and texts. Maybe not everything, but maybe enough to get you some information.
I tested this with my phone/car last night. I put my phone in the guest bedroom which is over the garage. I then put the car in accessories mode (on, but not started because, you know, exhaust and closed garage door and all) and sure enough, they synched up and loaded call history and text messages. (My phone is also password protected.) Not a perfect method, but might be better than nothing. Hope people can use that.
2 comments posted: Saturday, January 21st, 2017
iPhone Keypad
WWs iPhone has six digit key pad code. Any ideas on how to get past that or figure it out short of watching her key it in? She has the fingerprint programmed into the home button so she generally doesn't use the code. Same question would apply for (I think) 4 digit ipad code. Thanks.
5 comments posted: Friday, December 23rd, 2016
