I notice a lot of posts with an enormous amount of attention devoted to betrayal, injustice, uncertainty, the meaning of the past, and the BS's or WS's psychological shortcomings.
This may sound a little trite, but there's often comparatively little about enjoying one's partner, being curious about them, having fun together, laughing, or creating pleasurable experiences.
Of course, this is an infidelity support forum, so it's entirely understandable that people come here to discuss their pain.
But I wonder whether we sometimes overlook something fundamental: what is it actually like to be in a relationship with us?
Do we make our partners feel liked, enjoyed, understood and appreciated? Do we take an active interest in their inner world? Do we contribute to making everyday life together pleasurable?
And how often do we ask ourselves these questions, rather than concentrating on what our partners are or aren't doing?
And how often did we do this before the betrayal(s)?
One partner's happiness doesn't establish that the relationship was mutually satisfying.
I'm not asking why someone cheated. I'm not saying every betrayed spouse or even wayward spouse shares responsibility for an unsatisfying pre-affair marriage.
I'm asking what it was like to be married to each of us, before and after the betrayal.
That's a different question, and I think it's worth exploring independently of who was responsible for the affair.
