icangetpastthis (original poster member #74602) posted at 3:35 AM on Wednesday, May 6th, 2026
So, I am finally here. In my new space. In my new retirement - without him. The love of my life. The only one that I have been committed to for a total of 52 years. The one that when I remember back in the beginning - I still love. I remember him, and I love him. He is the only man that I had children with. But, yes - there is a but. I doubt that he ever loved me the way that I loved him. He most likely wasn't real that way. I will always wonder that. I won't ask him, because I have blocked him. He does not know where I am, and I hope that he doesn't find out. I really like my new home, in the area that I hoped and prayed that I could afford after the divorce devastated my savings that he didn't know about until I filed for divorce. So strange. I never thought that I would be divorced - and that I would file for it. I married the man that I love. I only wanted to be right next to him - always. But, here I am. And, so far . . . I am ok. Better than ok. I feel relief. So much less stressful, so quiet and peaceful. The last years have been hard. So very hard. He told me that he didn't love me anymore after dday. And, he showed me that everyday all those years since dday. Which, you know was scary. Like, what good could possibly come after that. He should have been begging and pleading with me for another chance, but, no I received the opposite of that. I waited days, weeks, months for that. It didn't happen. I finally shut that door. I knew if he didn't step up to the line in our last moments, that I would. Shut that door. It is the only way that I could save myself. So, now what? Whatever the f*** I want. That's what. 
M = 40 yrs on DDay = May 2017,
In House Separated = May 2024,
Filed For D = March 2025,
D = Oct 2025,
IHS Over = April 2026 (1 year, 11 months, 12 days).
My DDay: https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums/?tid=665421&AP=1&HL=74
Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 4:37 AM on Wednesday, May 6th, 2026
馃槂 Congrats on the new beginning! Enjoy the peace and give yourself all the love you didn't get from him!
BackfromtheStorm ( member #86900) posted at 10:32 AM on Wednesday, May 6th, 2026
Gongratulations!
Hey, it鈥檚 not about you, there is a thing that really matters:
You can鈥檛 truly love anyone if you can鈥檛 love yourself.
The guy never had a chance.
It was never about you.
That door is sealed.
Now only open it to people who loves themselves enough so they can actually reciprocate
You are welcome to send me a PM if you think I can help you. I respond when I can.
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 3:04 PM on Wednesday, May 6th, 2026
As your nervous system starts to trust this new peace, you will enjoy it more. There will be tough days ahead, too, but you will recover more quickly and they will be fewer and fewer.
Congratulations on your new beginning! It鈥檚 not what you wanted, but it might be exactly what you need.
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 5:49 PM on Thursday, May 7th, 2026
Better than ok. I feel relief. So much less stressful, so quiet and peaceful.
That's exactly how it felt for me too. The overwhelming sense of peace and relief. It's when I knew I had made the right decision to leave. I have not missed him once since I left nor our M.
Wishing you nothing but happiness on your path forward.
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 5:49 PM, Thursday, May 7th]
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
NoThanksForTheMemories ( member #83278) posted at 10:23 PM on Thursday, May 7th, 2026
The relief, peace, and quiet are priceless! Enjoy your wonderful new place.
I still struggle with thoughts of what could have/should have been, so don't be surprised if those kinds of feelings persist for a while. They get easier to let go over time.
WS had a 3 yr EA+PA from 2020-2022, and an EA 10 years ago (different AP). Dday1 Nov 2022. Dday4 Sep 2023. False R for 2.5 months. 30 years together. Divorcing.
