SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Before my WH affair, I was a different person. I was such a bubbly, out-going little pocket rocket with boundless energy. I was the event organiser for all my family and friends. I was always the one with a smile on my face ready to cheer even the grumpiest of people up. I used to call it my sparkle (daggy I know).

But somehow, slowly that has gone now, or at least dulled. I don’t feel the same contentment for life that I used to. I don’t find the joy in certain activities I used to. I don’t go looking for new challenges or activities that I used to. I don’t enjoy going out much anymore. God I think I’m turning into my MOTHER 😂😂😂

When I asked my WH why he wanted to stay married, what about me do you actually like - one of things he said was my energy and outgoing nature. I often wonder (and I should ask) if he notices the change in my personality.

But today I was putting my earrings on for work, and I work in an industrial industry, and I chose a pair of colourful hoops and decided I don’t want to lull anymore. I want my damn sparkle back. And today my earrings are that representation. I’m going to chase new dreams, I’m going to start doing all the activities I used to love with gusto, I’m going to stop living in my pity party.

My WH has tried so hard to be a better person, and for the most part he really is. Is he perfect no but he is really trying. I may not have the marriage I wanted but it isn’t the worst out there. I also have wonderful children and for that I must be grateful.

Yup. I had two hobbies that I was heavily into and I've done nothing with them since D-Day. I just have no interest and I know I am definitely more jaded and cynical about relationships.

I miss having that fantasy that my wife would never do something like this because now I know it's always a possibility in every relationship from day one and when people say my husband or my wife would never have an affair what they should be saying is I hope and pray I never have to go through that

You are coming up on the 3 year mark of your Dday. And it was about that time I made myself a priority. Not my H, not my marriage but me.

It helped my healing process tremendously because I was somewhat stuck in the Reconciliation process. I realized I had to take an active role in my own healing. So at 3 years into R is when I started working on myself and my healing.

And I did get my sparkle back. Hope you do too.

I had to stop looking at myself as a victim and rather as a survivor. I decided infidelity would not be my story, he could do or do not what he needed to do, I was going to do me.

Reframing helped a lot, being more selfish helped a lot. I got my sparkle back and some extra.

You are going into this with a great perspective. I hope you find yourself even more sparkly than before.

I've been in a fake it til I make it mindset with finding my sparkle and my joy. Earrings have also been one of my expressions of that. I decided I'm going to wear earrings in all of my ear piercings. (I went a little overboard back in the day, but in my defense it was the 80s. Haha!) I'm wearing jewelry every day (except for a wedding ring). I decided that I am going to look sparkly, even on the days when I'm not feeling sparkly.

Good on you for chasing your new dreams!

Good for YOU! Your sparkle was not theirs to take. And look at you bad ass taking yours back. Rock those colorful hoop earrings. I hope you walk a little taller wearing them.

Having read your stuff over the years I think you are primed to reclaim a new you. I have somehow gone down the rabbit hole of the LoveShack website and all the posts from the unrepentant Other Women. It’s really gross. You are so not them and your integrity, your self-esteem, your authenticity all shine through in everything you say. I hope you get back some more of that carefree spirit. I am working on that too as our timelines align in some ways. I have been feeling more of the anger now, like I’ve passed through more of the sadness. And when the anger comes I’m just matter of factly sharing it with my husband-not in a mean way, more just matter of fact. Then I feel lighter and can go back to the more playful funny carefree me. Maybe there is some karma or god thing at work where the Universe needed you to be more serious for a period of time. Maybe one of your loved ones needed to see that in you. I understand the missing your old self. I hope you share more about your journey.

Well done you! I wish I could find mine. However I acknowledge that it's little things, such as your lovely earrings that are the first step in us "finding ourselves" again.

May your sparkle come back brighter than before; you deserve it!