SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I posted on general last week - in between all this we have been trying to reconcile since summer after WH affair with co worker.

Unfortunately hes dropped himself in it recently twice in the last 2 days where I've caught him out and hes blatantly lying about her. I know hes lying as seen things on his phone that point to this happening (he dosent know this ) nothing direct between them but things he has done involving her. When hes supposed to be NO CONTACT .

I think they are still chatting via WhatsApp but ive no proof and im in a position where I dont want to blow things up just before Christmas

My gut is telling me hes unblocking her on whatsapp when hes not at home then re blocking when at home. And they are still involved. Its easily done.

There's no way I could find this out unfortunately unless he accidentally forgot to re block her. Any ideas on how I could or any tactics? It could all just be my anxiety but ive a strong sense it isn't. Its a horrible feeling 😞 in September he admitted he missed chatting to her and the laughs. This really hurt .

Im feeling angry, on edge and anxious but id rather watch and wait for now, I can't do anything else yet :( its also my mums birthday over the Christmas period and I dont want to risk any upset just yet :(

[This message edited by Kittycatkitty at 9:50 PM, Wednesday, December 17th]

I’m not a WhatsApp expert but I always say trust your gut.

The fact he admitted he missed connecting with the OW is a huge tell IMO. Meaning he still views the OW favorably and to me, that always is an open door to resume the affair.

So sorry for you.

Thank you 1st wife x

Yes he said he missed the laughs and "banter"(more like he missed the ego boosting and attention), ive always thought the same to be honest, ive just got this awful feeling nothing has ever stopped and that they went quiet for a while and its back on again which I know is common 🥺 its either that or she has something on him and blackmailing him e.g evidence and screenshot hes scared of me getting off her and shes said if he cuts her off she will show me.

Im not sure what to do other than keep checking

I have thought of messaging one of his co workers who i kind of know, as I've a feeling they all know too (just like others have said in my other post on general)

But i dont want to involve anyone else and I risk it spiralling that way or her saying something to her husband who will then say to so on and so on

I can't keep living like this, im just feeling so fed up

K xx

[This message edited by Kittycatkitty at 6:35 AM, Thursday, December 18th]

My H and his adultery co-conspirator would use WhatsApp. He deleted her off of it after she kept trying to contact him. I didn't get a chance to see what they had written to each other before he deleted her though. I found out later that there was a way to get all of the messages off of WhatsApp...but by the time I had found it out...it was too late to retrieve the information . The way I found out was by googling it. This was over 10 years ago though...so there may be a different way to retrieve information from WhatsApp.

If it is any consolation...it isn't HER he was missing chatting with. It is the dopamine hit he got. She isn't anyone special Dear Lady. IF your WH is still chatting with the adultery co-conspirator it is probably because he goes into dopamine withdrawal...and gets a hit when he talks to her. But REALITY can sure make that dopamine high EVAPORATE quickly!

You can hide contacts and chats on what’s app, I'm pretty certain you can get it up by typing a chosen passcode number at the top in the ask meta AI or search part or Face ID. I only watched a video yesterday on it. Have a google and it should show you how to access it. I’m pretty certain my partner/ex partner I’m not actually sure what we currently are has done this! Although he won’t give me the pin to his phone so I can’t access anything in his. But he was communicating through Snapchat and deleting the app when I first became aware of the affair. I didn’t know until well later on this is how they were communicating. Up until recently he realised I had the OW phone number on the phone bill he had recently been just calling her. I’m guessing now he knows this he uses the whats app feature

I have been in a very similar situation myself. So I can truly relate with you here.

They must be willing to provide full transparency. Full access to any device or accounts at any time of your choosing. If not, they are hiding something. Until they stop hiding, you won't be able to start your healing or have any chance to rebuild your relationship. This is key.

Also, if they used an app to communicate with the AP. They must remove their account completely.

Settings > Account > Delete my account, enter your phone number with the country code, and confirm

If they are unwilling to do this, it speaks volumes. You are worth way more than an application on their phone. If you get excuses on why they can't remove it or it keeps getting pushed off to a later date and they say yes I will, but never do. You have your answer. You know their intentions.

Going through this isnt easy even when your partner is doing all the right things, however, in my experience it makes it impossible if they aren't.

I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out for you!

Very early on in my discovery of my H's infidelity, he got around NC by using computers at his work library. He would set up a new email each time. They would message each other for a bit. He would delete the email and set up a completely new one each time.

I realized he was still communicating with her somehow when she blocked me from her Facebook account. I knew in my gut something was up. Why would she do that weeks after Dday? How would she know I was checking on it? My H told her.

My H isn't good at lying or covering things up. I discovered his cheating when I checked a text message he got on his phone. I thought it was from our son who's wedding was in a few days. It was her calling him Babe and asking how he was doing emotionally. Later, I found an email from her. Hence, the secret emails from a library computer. Even later, while helping him clean out a room, I found a card from her and a poem from him to her. I mean, really! How stupid could he be?

Trust your gut.

Walk up and ask him for his phone and if he hands it to you ask him for his password for the App. If he stalls or refuses then you can assume what you suspect is true

If he does give you his password tell him you found an article on Google that will allow you to recover deleted messages and contacts and see how he responds. If he panics or if he tries to deflect then again you know your suspicions are true

Cheaters will always find a way and sadly in this electronic age we live in it is all too easy to hide your infidelity