SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My d-day will be 20 years ago tomorrow and I dread the anniversary, even now. It’s f-n tough friends, there’s no easy way through this. It never really goes away but after time the pain recedes and life moves forward. And if you’re lucky, as I am, life can be good again. Our kids were young on d-day. I chose to stay with ww and we’ve shared many wonderful events including grandkids since … ww is a loving grandmother and I’ve witnessed it, admire it, love it, and her.
Be good to yourself first, make sober choices, be honest and be kind.
Good luck!

Thanks for sharing! I'll take all the hope I can get.

Would you consider your reconciliation successful?

Do you have any tips to share?

Theevent , sorry that you found yourself here but this is a great place for you now as caring people will listen and respond with like issues.
Reconciled; yes.
Tips; you need complete honesty from ww in order to make decisions (stay or go). I did not have full disclosure and as a result took many years of ruminating thru all the possible scenarios causing an exhausting and torturous path forward. She likely wont want to admit details and they will be difficult to hear but you need to know them. You gotta know what you’re dealing with and ww needs to understand that. In order to get to recovery, you need information.

I'm only 16 months post d-day, so about at the halfway point of R. I still don't believe I have all of the details. I still do not believe her explanation (it changed three times) of a pic I saw on her cell phone of her in a green dress. She swears she took it to send to me, but didn't, and swears she didn't send it to him. Her reaction to me seeing that pic caused me to go digging. Green is my favorite color but her wearing a green dress would always be a reminder so no more green dresses. It may sound petty but that's another thing the affair robbed me of.

And to boot, the place she works at: green shirts :/

Right now I cannot see a time when the d-day anniversary will not be a problem. I wonder if she even knows the date...

WB1340; within the1st year post d-day I was horsing around with one of my dogs in our pool, he was a swimmer. I was alone, had been drinking (still attempting to self medicate), dove into the pool and snapped my neck. It was night and we had a light under the diving board which would rotate colors. I was near the deep end and experiencing cord shock, couldn’t move. I thought for certain I was going to drown … the color of the light was green. For some reason that has stuck with me.

Sports fan - that’s a terrible tragedy about your neck. Hope it’s healed and you are not in constant pain.

As far as Dday is concerned, it no longer affects me. It’s just another day lol. Dud I get the whole truth - even about the prior affair from 15 years prior? No.

Did I get enough and figure out enough to br able to move on? Yes.

I decided at tear 3 of Reconciliation that I was going to live my life for me. Not let the affairs negatively impact me or detail my happiness. And it has worked for me.

My attitude is — if you’re not on my team - please leave. If someone or something is more important, it’s time to move on. Life is short. I don’t want to be unhappy for the years I have left.