SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi waywards. I am a returning member, I've been gone for a long time but I thought of this site and the people I talked to, who helped me so much when I was going through Dday and then an attempted R, which ultimately did not work. I am now divorced as of 10/24.
I learned so much, I've tried to help others in my life with things I learned here, and I would consider myself a reformed wayward. I don't live a lifestyle I ever thought I would, these days, but I'm happy.
there were days I didn't think I'd survive the turmoil I caused, but I did, and I'm thriving now... took alot of time and effort though.
things can and do get better, sometimes better than you could ever have imagined.
I hope all of you I knew before, and those who came after me,are doing well and that you're happy!

Interested to hear your story, is it posted anywhere?

I scanned your archived posts ....what a heartbreaking story. I know you are well from what you say....but it just hurts me. I so love marriage. I believe you two had real love. You know ....God can restore it again. I am a sucker....I guess I would so love to hear you write back some day and say you remarried and have a happy ever after.....😢

You may have zero interest in that...selfish of me.

Regardless.....seek God's will for you. His path is the right path. 🙏

[This message edited by WoodThrush2 at 6:12 PM, Wednesday, August 6th]

naive waywayd, I'll try and write a summary of my journey, now that I'm back, might be good for me

Woodthrush2, there is no chance of reconciliation. ExBH is now married to his girlfriend/ AP and I am happily involved with a man I knew from the past, that takes care of me. we've started to build a crazy fun life together!
BH and I did have a true love, we just... mismanaged it and couldn't get it back, in the end. BH told me he loved me several times, even after I sold our marital home and bought a maintenance provided townhouse for me and our son, even while dating and then moving the OW in. we just never could quite make it work, despite our efforts. it wasn't meant to be a forever love.
I have so much less anger now, than I did 5 years ago. it takes time, but it does lesson and get better. I hope it has for him too.

Hi,

To roughly outline my understanding of your story:

- You cheated
- You allowed your betrayed husband to have a hall pass
- This lead to a throuple type relationship for sometime revolving around threesomes
- You then tried to end the throuple-ship and get back to monogamy
- This failed and your husband stayed with the other woman
- You divorced and he married her
- You met someone else

Well it's a rare occasion where I'd suggest a betrayed spouse is made entirely whole after infidelity, I think the threesomes and obtaining a new wife of it is pretty close.

Hell of a story, I hope you are both happy now.

Somehow my recovery from infidelity was controlled and managed a lot more by my mind than my libido.
Yes – being out of what I thought was a committed relationship allowed me the freedom of sex with any willing participant, and yes – I did get pleasure, validation and all that out of it. But it didn’t in any way help me understand why my partner cheated or made me feel any better about it. I therefore can’t really agree that we can assume or conclude that bewuzzled ex husband StuckOnTheFence is "fully recovered" simply due to a hall-pass or a threesome or two.

What sounds good is that it looks like bewuzzled has recovered, and IMHO that’s something to be appreciated and celebrated.

My memory says you really wanted R, and I'm sorry that didn't work out. You sound like you've healed, and I'm really glad about that. You also sound like a powerhouse, too, and I'm happy for you.

I remember how I first communicated with you, and I'm still sorry for my post. My memory is that you pretty quickly showed you were committed to changing from betrayer to good partner. That helped me believe my W might be telling the truth about being willing to do the work of R. I'm grateful to you.

Thanks for coming back and sharing.

Sisoon, you are absolutely right. I wanted nothing more than R in the beginning. My heart was set, I was sure we could do it, I couldn't see another way at all.
Once BH made some choices of his own, that moved further from me and R and toward D and OW, I started to change my mind about all of it. It was me who uttered the words " I want a divorce" He let me walk away that night and that's the point of no return for me. I was going to stand on my own, I was going to find a way and I was going to be ok alone. I decided that same night.
It took BH 7 days to come to me, and ask for another shot at R, but for me it was too late.
And now here we are. We remained separated but married, living entirely separate lives for 4 years, before he filed for divorce. That was quick and easy, the kids are grown, we no longer had property or finances together. Done. Just done.
And now, he married OW in April of this year ( previously our anniversary month) and I live with my boyfriend, we bought a house together in December. And the most important thing....I'm happy. Happier than I ever believed I could be again, dare I say even...glad, satisfied at the eventual outcome/ dissolution of my 21 year marriage.
I hope to never be a WW again, not sure I'll ever be a wife again at all, but I sure won't be the same wife I was the first time, if I ever am. In my current relationship,we aren't traditional, we don't live like most people do...but it is the most open and honest relationship I have ever been involved in. He's amazing, we talk about everything, in depth. We have issues and conflicts like everyone else, but the communication skills we have been able to build and refine, are extraordinary. We are together now, because of the red string theory ( or that's what we choose to think). I don't have a ring on my finger, but I have a bracelet- the permanent jewelry that signifies our unbreakable bond. In it together, without fail, forever.
I hope you are well too, and please don't feel bad at all, for that previous post- every bit of that and this, shaped who I am and what I'm capable of today.