So he didn’t quit the band three days in a row after saying he would. Hasn’t seemed himself, been with it at all.
We spoke last night. He’s having the same mental health problems he was having before which I won’t go into but were serious enough that he ended up in hospital. No I don’t think he’s lying about that because I can see it and have noticed it coming back over the last few weeks/months.
His new proposition (but he has said if I choose to end things he’ll go without a fuss and leave me alone) is:
* straight back to the drs and back on his medication (doing that today)
* IC immediately (which he’s fought against the whole time)
* having a conversation with band members so that they treat his alcoholism the same way as the other guy - with respect and concern and intervening if needed.
* straight back to hotel rooms after gigs
He’s also suggested looking for a different job that is only UK based and less gigs.
I feel like my emotions are getting in the way of me thinking about this properly. I feel like he let me down again by not doing as he said. I feel like I’m second best to his job if he’s willing to leave me as long as he can stay in his job. I feel like he can’t love me the way I need him to.
I also know that I am in an incredibly emotional state right now and it’s probably not a good idea to make big decisions, but that I am struggling with living with him. I don’t want a temporary split because I think that would make things worse. I want to make a decision and move on with my life but I don’t feel like I have the energy, mentally or physically, to do so.
He’s offering what I was asking for before but it feels like maybe it’s too late? I don’t know if I can accept it anymore.
I’m also obviously concerned about his wellbeing now. I’m wondering if maybe the IC will help and have a knock on off effect in helping the relationship.
Am I just being stubborn and refusing to accept what I’ve been asking for? I’m thinking of seeing how it goes. I’m worried that he’ll make the changes away from me and then I’ll see that and regret not trying again.
I just really don’t know what to do.
