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Father, it is harrowing to see evil and not to see justice. It wears on the human soul and puts us in danger of discouragement and despair. There are betrayed spouses who see no justice in their lives. I pray that they see your justice, and take encouragement and satisfaction from knowing that you are in control and that evil will not go unpunished.

But as for me, my feet came close to stumbling.
My steps had almost slipped.
For I was envious of the arrogant as I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
for there are no pains in their death, and their belly is fat.
They are not in trouble like other people,
Nor are they tormented together with the rest of mankind.
Therefore arrogance is their necklace;
The garment of violence covers them.
Their eye bulges from fatness;
The imaginations of their heart overflow.
They mock and wickedly speak of oppression;
They speak from on high.
They have set their mouth against the heavens,
And their tongue parades through the earth.
Therefore his people return here,
And abundant waters are drunk by them.
They say, "How does God know?
And is there knowledge with the Most High?"
Behold, these are the wicked;
And always at ease, they have increased in wealth.
Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure and washed my hands in innocence.
For I have been stricken all day long,
And punished every morning.
If I had said, "I will speak this way,"
Behold, I would have betrayed the generation of Your children.
When I thought of understanding this,
It was troublesome in my sight
Until I entered the sanctuary of God;
Then I perceived their end.
You indeed put them on slippery ground;
You dropped them into ruin.
How they are destroyed in a moment!
They are utterly swept away by sudden terrors!
Like a dream when one awakes,
Lord, when stirred, you will despise their image.
. . .
For, behold, those who are far from You will perish;
You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.
but as for me, the nearness of God is good for me;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
so that I may tell of all Your works.

And for waywards, Luke 5:31 was so comforting to me, I pray that there are waywards who will find comfort and be curious: Jesus answered and said to them, It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.

[This message edited by Pippin at 6:50 AM, Tuesday, February 25th]

Thanks for the prayers pippin

Edited to correct typo oops

[This message edited by Shehawk at 8:07 PM, Tuesday, February 25th]

Amen. Yes Lord, please heal the wounded, and call the wanderers back to your merciful arms.

Father, you see the difficulty that the moderators are having with spamming attacks. You know how hard they work, with no compensation and often little thanks. Please help them to feel encouraged and strengthened in their work. And please stop the spammer from flailing and destruction, and help them to find a better way to manage.

Be careful, do not turn to evil, For you preferred this to misery. (Job 36)

I pray for the waywards who are trying to help their spouses, and for me, trying to help my spouse. Give us your wisdom and insight. And today I especially pray for fearful people.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. (2 Timothy)

Finally, I give thanks for the way that you cared for me. I feel like I am being parented by someone who knows what they are doing. I am so grateful.

Today I will write a testimony.

I wrote about the time that I finally gave my husband the full entire truth of every lie or hiding I had done in our relationship. It's here: https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/665467/hey-waywards-how-do-you-use-what-you-are-good-at-to-support-what-you-are-not-good-at/ This is the rest of the story.

It was 18 months post D-day and things were Ok but not great. I wanted out of the pit. I wrote out the lies one afternoon planning to tell him the next day. That night, I prayed for one evening with him that was protected and intimate. Not just sex, but where we could feel as close as possible, given the bomb I was about to drop. (If this is triggering I'm sorry, I did not think then and I don't think now that it was disrespectful to him, and I know that he would agree. But there are situations where this would have been wrong, and if that's you, I am sorry if it brings up difficult feelings).

I was still very new to Christianity, very new to prayer, relying on my coach pretty frequently. I hadn't found a church yet. I was reading the Bible and a lot of John Eldredge, taking prayer walks every day and memorizing the psalms, but I was far from steeped in it. But that night as we lay peacefully in bed together, I had a vision of angels surrounding the roof of the house we were in. And during the night, I had several dreams where the number 10,000 came up - a check for $10,000, ten thousand pebbles in a stream bed, etc. At least four different kinds. The next morning I woke up and googled "10000" in the Bible, and for those of you who know Revelation (at that point I did not) you know what I found - "Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders." Angels encircling, just like my vision of the night before around our home.

I feel I should say here - most of my really intense religious experiences I don't share. I remember reading that Mary "pondered these things and treasured them in her heart" and I don't know all of what that means but I know at least part of why she does that. The minute you try to put words to something, something of the power is lost. Something of the intimacy with the divine. You start wanting to defend - it really happened! It was really real! So I'm not a big sharer in general. But I want you to know, dear reader. I wasn't raised religious. I have multiple ivy league degrees (not worth as much as you might think . . .) and I was ensconsed in the heart of liberal left secularism. When I tell you I had a waking vision and dreams sent from God, I believe down to my toes that's what happened.

So the next morning I drew on a relevant experience, as I wrote in that thread, but moreover I drew on the strength of knowing there were ten thousand angels to help. It was still one of the hardest things I've ever done, perhaps the hardest. And the next two years were hell, but it was the kind of hell where you can see light to walk toward, not the previous kind with none.

Lord, I give thanks that you heard my prayer and that you answered me and strengthened me. I am grateful that you stayed by side during the two years and that you comforted and held my husband during those difficult years. And I am so grateful that you have given us the marriage that we have now. I know that you give freely and answer when I ask in Jesus' name, and I ask that you strengthen waywards in whatever way they can hear to walk in the truth toward the light, and that you comfort betrayed spouses in their grief and anger.

[This message edited by Pippin at 3:32 AM, Monday, March 10th]

This is a very profound and encouraging report, particularly for me as a believer. I understood everything you wrote. It encourages me to begin to fully believe God is very much in my desire to pursue some final healing, and that even His angels are participants in this.

And why wouldn’t they be. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church. In the same way male and female were made in His image, our marriages are made in the image of Christ and His bride - and perhaps this is why Satan seeks so much to destroy marriages.

Father, thank you for revelation, that we are your sheep, and we can hear your voice, whether it’s through your Word, a dream, a vision or that still small voice.

You see everyone on this board. I pray your Holy Spirit would move among us all that the eyes of their hearts may be enlightened, so that they will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe.
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1‬:‭18‬-‭19‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Pippin-

Thank you for sharing your story. Beautifully written and brutally honest. A true testimony of God's power and His love for us. I would love to hear about how you two met. (God and you) :)

My H and I had more of a Mayberry upbringing, but alas, infidelity struck us too. Something that you wrote hit very close to home for me. It mirrors almost word for word what my WH said to me when he confessed.

I hadn't believed he had loved me because he didn't know me. How can you love something you don't know? But now he knew everything and still, he loved me. Something in me began to heal.

It wasn't until my WH accepted the Lord back into his life that he was able to find the strength to come clean with me. Our whole marriage had been sitting on a sandy foundation from year one. Since his confession I have seen the birth of a new man. His recommitment to God and me has allowed unimaginable healing in so many directions I didn't think possible. I give all credit and praise to our Lord above.

I pray for healing and wisdom for you and you H. May you turn to Him for all of your needs.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Trumansworld, did you read my novella?! Thank you for your kind comments. I am glad you found something in there that helped you.

I would love to hear about how you two met. (God and you) :)

Short version: I came to SI, met Maia, and she introduced me to God.

Long version: My husband found the worst of the communication with the AP in July 2018 and with my assent called him to destroy the affair (it worked, AP was terrified). I was absolutely lost until January 2019, not pining for the AP but just lost. In hell. I couldn't stop the intrusive thoughts and I knew I was being horrible to my husband and children with my disconnection and despair. I found SI in January 2019 and started reading voraciously. There was a wayward poster called Maia who was a long, long time participant from I think 2005 (one of her posts is pinned at the top of the Wayward forum). She was far past infidelity but she had come to SI to request prayer for financial problems, and she would occasionally post helpful responses to waywards. Something about her absolutely struck a chord with me. Her honesty about herself, her insightfulness with waywards (she would always answer the question they SHOULD have asked), her ability to be both humorous and truthful at the same time. It was at a time on the wayward forum where the dominant approach was you are a shit person who must work hard until you earn the right to be considered a better person which not only didn't work for me, it seemed hopeless. So I started reading and reading and reading her posts (at that time it was possible to access just about everything that had ever been written on SI) and I thought - I want what she had. Whatever it is, I want it.

You have probably guessed that she was Christian. I read her profile story. Her honesty was beautiful and brutal (my heart leaped when you wrote that about my story. That is exactly what I thought of hers). She was unashamed and humble. She talked extensively and practically, concretely, about the truth. She wrote the truth shall set you free. I remember going to a church near work to pray for truth. That night I told my husband all of the details about the affair that he didn't know. (It took me 18 months to *fully* commit to truth - I recently wrote about that time 18 months later, still a new Christian, when I told him the truth about the rest of the lies in our relationship. But January 2019 after reading Maia's story was when I started the first steps on that path).

I became deeply absorbed in Christianity. Maia became a friend - we would talk almost daily. She was so good to me. One time I was blustering on about some point of doctrine and she sputtered, "you are a baby! A spiritual baby! You don't have to worry about that! You need to know Jesus!" As someone who has had a lot of worldly success in academics, arguing about doctrine was not the right path. Being a spiritual baby who needed to know Jesus WAS the right path. Once she called me her paduan. My heart melted with happiness. Once I called her in a terrible state and she said, "those flaming arrows are flying at you, put up your shield of faith!" I started memorizing the psalms to quiet my mind, I set my phone alarm to ding every hour so I would remember to pray, I was reading the Bible, listening to gospel music, joining Bible study groups, finding a church, reading books (Eldredge mostly), listening to podcasts (Tim Keller and the Bible Project), studying Hebrew. I had so many experiences I won't put into words because they are personal and I would sound looney writing about them. God speaks to me in ways that are specific to me. He was speaking and I was listening, listening, listening, and starting to obey.

Our relationship was complicated. I have a lot of money and she was poor as a church mouse (remember, financial worries brought her to SI). I sent her the money I thought she needed to solve a one-time problem - a lot of money. I'm still happy I sent it, but it wasn't actually a one-time problem, it was a pattern of unwise financial decisions. The next time she asked I said yes and sent the money. The next time I said no. It's very hard to say no to someone you adore who wants something you have a lot of, but I prayed and prayed and the answer was no. She was super conservative and I am not political but my surroundings are academic secular liberal left. I remember a conversation around the pandemic where she was describing how to make homemade hydroxychloroquine and I realized . . . I haven't told her I'm vaccinated. So I said Maia, I'm vaccinated, my husband is vaccinated, my kids are all vaccinated. There was a long, long, long pause. I finally said, let's pray for health. So we did. She talked about her news sources and I talked about mine and it seemed like we were operating from completely different facts. She believed that God would solve her financial problems because she had a revelation that the book she was writing (instead of getting a job) would sell 50,000 copies. I sat through many uncomfortable conversations where she talked about paying someone to translate the book, paying someone to narrate an audio version, hiring a publicist, going on podcasts no one listened to, all while thinking get a f*cking job! The book sold 50 copies and 25 of those were me. So our relationship had many uncomfortable aspects.

In February 2022 I was doing a lot better and I wasn't talking to her every day or even every week. There's an intimacy that is easy to develop in crisis that is a bit harder to keep when one is settled, especially when there are aspects of the relationship that one would prefer to avoid. During our last conversation she sounded tired and she kept talking about the 50,000 book sales. I remember feeling frustrated and asking God - is it time for me to stop talking to her? What am I supposed to do? A few days later her husband called and told me that she had died in her sleep. Heart failure. She was 52 and it was a shock. I flew to Kentucky for the funeral. Her family was a little perplexed, but she had video game friends from all corners of the world and I said we met in a kind of an online Bible study, which is truthful enough.

Do you see a post in the prayer thread a few back from February 2025? I was disintegrating a bit and feeling terrible guilt about not being a better friend to her. It was later I realized that it was just about the time of her death three years ago. She died on the same day in February my father died suddenly of a heart attack so long ago. My consciousness did not remember the date but my heart did. I need to remember to mark that date on my calendar so I can be gentle with myself each year.

I came to SI and I found Maia, and she pointed me to God. What a crazy story. God can do anything, find anyone, use any circumstance. CS Lewis wrote that he became a believer because the Christian story is one that no human would make up. The story of how God found me through Maia is one that no one would have written. I love it.

My husband gives me concrete demonstrations of sacrificial love, his absolute delight in me (that is how God sees me!?), marriage as Christ and Church. But that's ongoing, still happening, and perhaps it's a post for another day.

Did you read another one of my tomes? Will you share how you met God? Will you share how your Christianity helps you with infidelity? I love to hear people's stories. I love to hear how God works in their lives. I love to hear prayers and to be asked for prayer. And I love when people pray for me and my husband (though I forget to ask). I'm adding you to my SI/specific prayer list (with Shehawk, AintDatSpecial, and JimBetrayed62). Thank you for coming to the Prayer thread!!

[This message edited by Pippin at 4:01 AM, Tuesday, March 11th]

Lol. Yes, I read your profile. What a great testimony. You have a gift. I'm not very good with the written word, so please bear with me.

Little background: I was raised catholic. Sundays spent in the balcony w/dad sleeping next to us 6 kids. :) Baptized & confirmed. Grace before meals was the extent of our practice at home. Catholicism was very structured and impersonal. No direct line to God, no bibles handed out. I was aware of God but had no relationship with Him.

My exposure to non-denominational church happened once I began dating my H. (I was 16). His mom & dad are old Norwegians from big families. MIL was extremely religious. Evangelical with soft edges. I attended their church every now and then. Very different experience than I grew up with. We were still very young and living on the wild side. His mom was a good role model for me. (more on that later). We ended up getting married in the Lutheran church. (I'm almost 21 at this point). I don't have this precise moment where I gave my life to Jesus. It was more of a trickle. It took many more years before "I got it". Still getting it. But changing churches definitely was the catalyst to my start of a personal relationship with God.

Thats my background. My H was raised around a family of devout Christians. Huge family gatherings centered in prayer. Mini revivals. He had lots of knowledge but chose to ignore it. Jesus was associated with rules and he knew he couldn't have any fun if he followed the rules. We married in the church, took kids to Sunday school, observed all the holidays, but weren't living it. As a side note: H cheated 15 months after we married. Before kids. This is when he got his wake up call and began the consequences of breaking the rules.

Fast forward 42 yrs later (I'm now 63). H can't handle it anymore and confesses. He is distraught. I'm going to say it was around 2008 that we began a serious path to deepening our faith. H's betrayal, lies and deceit were becoming heavier and heavier. He sought advice from a Christian friend about whether he should tell me or if confessing to God was enough. His friend said God was enough, but H wasn't settled. It took him another 15 to face the music. He didn't have to tell me. I would have never ever known. He tells me he needed to be accountable. I don't believe this would have ever come to be without Jesus in his life.

It's been 15 months since DD. We now start each morning reading the bible. (bible in a year now onto Apochrypha). We pray together. He's emotionally open. We communicate on a level I didn't know was even possible. We chose not to tell our kids, but he has gone to both of them to ask for forgiveness for his short comings. Big step for him. I see a different man. Humble. Remorseful. Genuine.

Shortly after the confession we proceeded with our plans to sell our home to our daughter and move to our 2nd home in another state. H retired. Big, big deal for a guy working hard for 50 yrs. Work was where he hid from his demons. Staying busy was how he avoided his thoughts. We are now together 24/7 looking for things to fill our days. He's like a fish out of water. It's getting better. I think God placed us where we needed to be. Time to heal.