First of all, congratulations on your marriage, Dr S.....many happy returns!!!!
As for your dilemma based on your past with your father and his actions, especially in alienating you from half the family growing up and also your own personality, which is similar to mine in these areas, I think, I advise you to NOT take the money. I think you'd feel like you're being "bought" - which I think is true. I actually think that IS what it would be with your father as people like think often think that money solves everything. That's how they handle or smooth over problems - if a smile or laugh or pat on the back or other bullshit like that won't work, they'll just give you money and buy you. You can always use money, right? What's your price, son?
I don't want to just demonize your father, that's not my intent, but just to say this is probably how he views the world. And he thinks everything and everyone has a price, and giving you money makes him a nice guy and a lot of people DO think like this and think....well, this is payment for the shit he put me and mom and the rest of us through. Or they're "pragmatic"....I can USE this money and that's true but....it means you can be bought, even if that doesn't bother you.
I don't think you're the kind of person who can be bought. If you took this money, even if it would make things a little nicer for you temporarily, like at the wedding, I think it would bother you in the long run and you would think less of yourself and that would taint your relationship with your father even further.
DON'T TAKE THE MONEY. It will burn a hole in you over time.
Now there are others things you can do. Now, while I have the devil's own temper, I'm also quick to forgive it something is not too deep. I guess it's the Celt in me. But I don't worry about forgiving or obsess over it, nor do I think it necessary at all. Some people should just be kicked onto the rubbish heap of life and left there. It's better for both, IMO. They feel natural there and I can move along. The only times I feel "forgiveness" might be an issue is if I think, over time, that I have unfairly judged someone, that "I" need to come to terms with this - that it's bothering ME in some way, that there might be extenuating circumstances, they have suffered enough, or if there are things I just want to know. So I might consider evaluating "forgiveness" to some extent but it's a process, not like waving a wand. There are people on this earth I will never forgive under any circumstances and I'm okay with this. It's not owed to them.
If you feel like that with Dad in any way, at all, you might have a sit down with him, and fully discuss what happened, what a rotten son of a bitch you think he is, let him say what he says, get it out in the open. You may learn something that changes your mind - or maybe confirms it even heavier. Or perhaps you could invite him to some part of the event, if that is doable for you. Or you could have him make a donation to something else, perhaps a charity or something you and the future Mrs D care about. So there are possibly other things you can do here. BUT.....DO NOT TAKE THE MONEY. It won't feel right to you being the person you are, and he very likely will use this as the thin opening wedge in a charm salvo to get into your graces - esp if he thinks you two might have kids at some point. I am a very cynical person.
The best of luck to you and don't worry about Dad. People like that always make out in general unless they get into the booze or drugs. They're usually charming rat bastards and I fucking hate them but...there you go. God put all types in the world for some purpose. We can engage with them or not and we can choose the extent.
