Thank you so much to you all for your messages. I have been away in Morocco for work and it was so wonderful and such an amazing escape from this nightmare. I didn't think about it much there and could even imagine my life truly without this man.
Thank you Thisissolonely for your excellent legal advice - it's helped me get a clearer perspective and understanding of what I need in this process and to ensure that our interests are best represented as far as possible and also to be realistic.
You have outlined things so well for me and how this all works. I do have many questions for the lawyer in drafting this settlement agreement and needed to be reminded that even popping an email to her will cost me money.
I think I am ready to file now. It's been nearly six months since D-Day and no sign of any genuine remorse or R on his part. There truly is nothing to work with and he is still full blown in his A and wanting the D though he has done NOTHING to initiate it in the last six months or to sell the house or anything at all.
WH told me this week he got his latest car repair bill and it was R31 000, which is a lot of money in our currency. While I have really limited contact with him, I wonder why is he telling me this and that he feels 'sick' about this bill.
In my wife mode, I feel bad about filing and hitting him with the summons and settlement agreement etc now as I know he is in a lot of debt. I know I shouldn't care or feel guilty over filing for D now as he doesn't care about my financial mess that he has caused and he has brought on this whole disaster. He is the one who wants the D, allegedly for years, and must know it will come with financial implications.
Why does he not message OW and tell her about his problems as he does it with me all the time? He always is asking how am I, how are things, all this nonsense. And then on the very very rare occasions I see him, he's Mr Nice Guy. And is always fishing information from the kids about me and what am I doing, so there's an element of control there. For the kids sake, and to get a good settlement, I try to be as civil as I can be.
You're so right WorldTraveller 23, I must never forget how utterly cruel he was on that cruise and in the weeks that followed. It's changed how I see him forever - the A I think I could ultimately work through but his cruelty is what I can't forgive and it's killed a lot of my love for him. I have lost all respect for him. I know I was a great wife and that I don't deserve that disrespect and resentment. He is out of his mind. And not the man I thought he was.
Worldtraveler23, your message lifted my spirits so much and made me see a full life for the three of us, hopefully a beautiful one on the beaches of Cape Town - so glad you had a wonderful visit here. I needed your advice to be gentle and honest with my kids about why I feel this way towards their dad. They know how much he has hurt me. And they are hurting too.
Fantastic, I'm so sorry what you went through, our stories are so eerily familiar, but I'm so glad that you made it through this and your H realised and acknowledged the gravity of losing you. Just like me, you didn't know of all these alleged issues in your marriage that he used to justify his A. You're so right - this selfishness and the 'world is all about me and my happiness' is at the root of this infidelity epidemic. No matter how many live you destroy along the way.
Like you say, some people are not meant to be in our lives any longer, and it's so devastating to come to terms that that is the case with my WH. Thank you so much for the hugs and prayers xxx
[This message edited by Angie41 at 1:16 PM, Friday, June 21st]