I guess the feeling I have right now is that I want to win. I dont want ow to win as in be the cause of my divorce.
You know how you win? By creating a wonderful new life for you and your kids.
By showing your kids a strong woman that doesn't allow herself to be disrespected and by providing them with a safe and loving home.
By creating an even better life for yourself and your kids than you had with him.
Ultimately you need to do this for you and your kids, but I know for me in the beginning, I was making my life better as a big F You to my WXH. I used that anger/pain/hurt to make my life better - new job, certifications, new friends, bought a house, etc. Initially as a way to show him; ironically he never knew any of it since we are complete NC.
Keep moving forward. Figure out what you want to do, and start taking steps to get there. Try lots of new things; you don't have to stick with them. This is a grand opportunity you have been given - what you've been doing in the past obviously didn't lead to happiness, safety, or stability for you and your kids. Now you have another chance to achieve that. You've got this!
Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny