Have you learnt to trust other people again?
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can deeply relate to what you said about gaslighting yourself — I still catch myself doing that too, especially when old wounds from childhood get stirred up. It’s such a painful layering of hurt. Please know that your feelings are not "too much," and you’re not alone in them. They make perfect sense given what you’ve been through. You never deserved this betrayal. None of this is a reflection of your worth — it’s a reflection of your partner’s inability to care for your heart in the way you deserve.
Ugh, yes — their lack of caring about how their betrayal would affect us is horrible.
As for trust — yes, I have slowly started to trust again, but in a different way than I used to. My therapist helped me shift the focus off of my ex and onto myself — onto my healing, my patterns, and especially my value. The more I did that, the more I was able to spot harmful behaviors in others early on, and begin putting boundaries in place that protected me.
Over time, I realized that learning to trust others began with learning to trust myself — trusting my own instincts, trusting that I would recognize red flags, and that I would take action if something felt unsafe. That’s been a game changer.
With my current partner, trust hasn’t been something I just handed over like I once did — it’s something we’ve built gradually. I still get triggered sometimes, even though he’s shown me safety. In those moments, I try to ground myself and remind myself it’s a past wound, and I do my best to let him in on where I am emotionally.
I’ve come to see that real trust is less about assuming someone won’t ever hurt you, and more about believing in your own ability to respond in healthy ways if they do. You can still love, still be vulnerable, still form deep bonds — not because you’re certain no one will ever hurt you again, but because you now trust yourself to handle it if they do. That shift has helped me feel safer being open and vulnerable again, bit by bit.
I hear you so deeply in that — the feeling of being so shattered that you wonder if wholeness is even possible anymore. I remember being in that place too, and it’s heartbreaking. I’ve been through immense trauma myself, and there was a time I didn’t know how I’d ever feel okay again — let alone happy. I hit a low where I genuinely felt like I was losing myself after infidelity.
But I want you to know — healing is possible. Bit by bit, layer by layer, things can start to shift. Not overnight, and not in a straight line — but slowly, gently, you begin to find pieces of yourself again. And not just the old pieces, but new parts of you too — ones that are even more grounded, wise, and full of self-love.
You don’t have to rush. One step at a time is enough. Just showing up for yourself in the smallest ways is healing. You’ve already taken powerful steps by naming this pain and posting here. You’ve got this — truly.
