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The Book Club :
Buddhist Reading & Discussion on Forgiveness and Infidelity

Topic is Sleeping.
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ImGoneByTheDown ( member #49935) posted at 9:14 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2015

As to the concepts discussed above like anger it is a common misunderstanding but I can't go into details to explain it because I think this would be too against the guidelines of the forum. Yet, if you want really to understand the basis of Buddhist practice and psychology read "The Wise Heart: A Guide to the Universal Teachings of Buddhist Psychology" by Jack Kornfield. Another excellent Book by him is "The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness and Peace"

[This message edited by ImGoneByTheDown at 3:48 PM, November 24th (Tuesday)]

ME: BH
Her: Remorseful STBXWW

And there I'll sit, and I'll admit
That I was only just a guest inside my skin
And by the dawn, I'll be gone
And I won't be holding on to anything again -
I'm just letting go

posts: 270   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2015   ·   location: I'm from the West, not from the US
id 7404858
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ImGoneByTheDown ( member #49935) posted at 9:15 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2015

To understand and better cope with anger read:

"Beyond Anger: How to Hold On to Your Heart and Your Humanity in the Midst of Injustice"

"Emotional Chaos to Clarity" by Phillip Moffitt also deals with coping with disturbing emotions like anger, anxiety and many more

[This message edited by ImGoneByTheDown at 4:10 PM, November 24th (Tuesday)]

ME: BH
Her: Remorseful STBXWW

And there I'll sit, and I'll admit
That I was only just a guest inside my skin
And by the dawn, I'll be gone
And I won't be holding on to anything again -
I'm just letting go

posts: 270   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2015   ·   location: I'm from the West, not from the US
id 7404859
default

ImGoneByTheDown ( member #49935) posted at 9:28 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2015

Another excellent self guide is "the mindful way through depression" and this book come with a CD with guided meditations. From my experience it is applicable not only for depression but is also excellent to trauma, emotional distress and so on. It was written by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal and John Kabat Zinn

ME: BH
Her: Remorseful STBXWW

And there I'll sit, and I'll admit
That I was only just a guest inside my skin
And by the dawn, I'll be gone
And I won't be holding on to anything again -
I'm just letting go

posts: 270   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2015   ·   location: I'm from the West, not from the US
id 7404874
default

ImGoneByTheDown ( member #49935) posted at 10:24 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2015

If you really want to delve into the subject of destructive emotion go to the "mind and life insitute" (the website) and read the book with the same name (destructive emotions - how we can overcome them) that focuses on the co-peration between modern state of the art science and Buddhist spiritual practice. This specific book sumerizes a one week summit between Buddhist scholars including the Dalai Lama and world-class scientists and philosophers. By the way, the "mind and life institute" coordinates all the colaboration and research on those topics

[This message edited by ImGoneByTheDown at 9:25 AM, November 25th (Wednesday)]

ME: BH
Her: Remorseful STBXWW

And there I'll sit, and I'll admit
That I was only just a guest inside my skin
And by the dawn, I'll be gone
And I won't be holding on to anything again -
I'm just letting go

posts: 270   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2015   ·   location: I'm from the West, not from the US
id 7404921
default

ImGoneByTheDown ( member #49935) posted at 10:33 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2015

Last thing, I'm not sure it is with the guidelinesnof the board but there are a lot of good websites from which you can download invaluable practice (guided meditations, Dharma talks and books) for free. If the moderators will approve it I will post them

ME: BH
Her: Remorseful STBXWW

And there I'll sit, and I'll admit
That I was only just a guest inside my skin
And by the dawn, I'll be gone
And I won't be holding on to anything again -
I'm just letting go

posts: 270   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2015   ·   location: I'm from the West, not from the US
id 7404929
default

 Noosa (original poster member #47803) posted at 2:46 PM on Wednesday, November 25th, 2015

IGBTD, Wow, thank you so much for all the suggestions! I'm working on Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach and When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron.

My background is that I have been practicing for about 10 years, my meditation practice comes and goes in consistency (unfortunately usually aligned with traumas). I took refuge and accepted basic precepts in Vajrayana, however there is wisdom to be found in all sects of Buddhism so I frequently search for wisdom in other traditions (especially Zen, due to the amazing influence of TNH).

I am very knowledgeable of general concepts, if you can ever say you're really knowledgeable about anything at all I have not received any empowerments, as there are several Sangha in my area but I have not been able to practice with them regularly due to work schedules. I feel a strong connection with Green Tara, and she is often a focus of my meditation and prayer, but I also do layman's practice on Shakyamuni and occasionally Medicine Buddha.

I do quite a lot of reading in general, and love listening to dharma talks. In the past, I had a major betrayal by a family member (I guess in a way it was more of an abandonment) that I was able to come to terms with in my practice, and I formally forgave her on Lhabab Duchen. I don't know why this is such a struggle for me right now - perhaps just time. But I can say that I have been able to be far more compassionate towards my WS as a result of my practice.

Thanks again for sharing, and I'd love to know more about your interests and background in Buddhism, as well as what has helped you in this process.

posts: 282   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2015
id 7405327
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ImGoneByTheDown ( member #49935) posted at 4:08 PM on Wednesday, November 25th, 2015

Noosa

I am a Theravada Buddhist and was influenced a lot by the Thai Forest Tradition as to the teachings of Ajahn Chah, Buddhadasa Bhikkhu and Ajahn Maha Boowa. I was influenced a lot by Mahasi Sayadaw from the Burmese tradition. However, as standing opposed to the eastern Buddhist traditions. I consider myself or try at least to walk the path of "One Dharma". It's a term coined by Joseph Goldstein and he's written a book about it. Basically, it accepts all vehicles as equally legitimate paths that can help one another. To a lesser degree I am influenced by Zen and as to mental purification I have integrated a lot of practices from Tibetan Buddhism (especially Nyingma, Kagyu and Gelug schools).

As many westerners I am a convert to Buddhism (converted almost 10 years ago), I took refuge, the five precepts and as an upasaka (lay follower) I'm practicing the noble eightfold path as taught by Jack Kornfield (he has a book with the same name). As to the meditations I have established the four foundation of mindfulness and am practicing it daily; I'm practicing Vipassana and Samaddhi meditation as well as loving kindness meditations, the Tibetan Tonglen as well as specific meditation on forgiveness, dealing with trauma, pain and so on. I used also to go once a year to two to three days retreats.

All of this, I integrated in a personal practice as taught by Lama Surya Das in his two Books "Awakening The Buddha Within" and "Awakening to the Sacred". Now, most of the practice of course began as I had to deal with my own suffering through life, as additionally infidelity hit me too, I am now concentrating more on dealing with the extreme anger I have using Metta and Tonglen meditations as well as forgiveness, and everything that help to process and deal with pain. This is a short summery of what I did and I did not mentioned a lot of the reading I've done and studying I've done as it would be maybe to long for a post. From what I wrote above, you can see that I was influenced a lot by western teachers some of whom I didn’t mention like Tara Benet Goleman, Sharon Salzberg and many more.

[This message edited by ImGoneByTheDown at 10:10 AM, November 25th (Wednesday)]

ME: BH
Her: Remorseful STBXWW

And there I'll sit, and I'll admit
That I was only just a guest inside my skin
And by the dawn, I'll be gone
And I won't be holding on to anything again -
I'm just letting go

posts: 270   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2015   ·   location: I'm from the West, not from the US
id 7405392
default

 Noosa (original poster member #47803) posted at 4:34 PM on Wednesday, November 25th, 2015

Tonglen is wonderful. <3

posts: 282   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2015
id 7405427
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ImGoneByTheDown ( member #49935) posted at 4:35 PM on Wednesday, November 25th, 2015

Radical Acceptance is an extremely helpful guide; also the three books by Pema Chodron that I mentioned. It helps me a lot. By the way, you can read and practice the teachings of Thubten Chodron, another amazing Buddhist nun in the Tibetan tradition which emphasizes the Lam Rim Tradition. Some of Tara Brach's meditations that were extremely helpful for me are

1.Meditation and Trauma

2.Attend and Befriend

3.Freedom in the midst of difficulty

4.Rain Meditation

5.The Sacred Pause

6.Awakening through Anger

7.The Dance with pain

By the way, as I said there are more various helpful practices as in regard to trauma:

1.There is a talk and guided practice by Jack Kornfield which is called Freedom and Trauma

2.A book called "Trauma in everyday life" by Mark Epstein

I will later summarize you some more on it

[This message edited by ImGoneByTheDown at 4:29 PM, November 25th (Wednesday)]

ME: BH
Her: Remorseful STBXWW

And there I'll sit, and I'll admit
That I was only just a guest inside my skin
And by the dawn, I'll be gone
And I won't be holding on to anything again -
I'm just letting go

posts: 270   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2015   ·   location: I'm from the West, not from the US
id 7405428
Topic is Sleeping.
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