KitchenDepth5551 ( member #83934) posted at 7:08 PM on Saturday, March 7th, 2026
hikingout,
I want to point out that many BS here have been in a situation where our WS had affairs that followed this path. Maybe we are a little triggered? I'm not sure. I think I am.
There were friendships that seemed suspect or a little overly friendly. We questioned and were told we were overly suspicious by our spouse. It was a problem with us. We questioned ourselves and our instincts. Then our spouses start avoiding talking to us about their actions. We are given a deflection or diversion, and an outright lie eventually about what they are doing. But we start kind of blaming ourselves for not trusting.
Then it all turns out to be what we suspected in the beginning. Damn.
I'm not saying that this situation is that. However, it's difficult to fault thatbpguy for his suspicions. I don't agree that this is a pathology on his part. It's perfectly reasonable to me to expect your partner to be up front about what they are doing, even when it's difficult for them to do it - well particularly when it is difficult for them to do that. How do you trust them otherwise? I also think it's perfectly reasonable to know everything about friendships with the opposite sex.
Anyway, thatbpguy, if you do need therapy I think it's reasonable to think this isn't all about your or that you have unreasonable suspicions or expectations in your marriage. Your wife should step up if she expects to be trusted. That's my opinion.
torso1500 ( member #83345) posted at 10:22 PM on Saturday, March 7th, 2026
KD agree so much. your last part inspires me to say I recommended IC with similar thoughts. I was mostly motivated by the statement that bpguy feels it's on him to mount an effort to trust W instead of on W to earn trust through actions. That rang many alarm bells to me around codependency, coping, etc
