I would like to introduce myself. I am Furious1.
Six months ago, WH confessed to a three year affair with my sister along with 4 other affairs. The full story is in my profile.
My sister is a year older than me. Although we grew up together, we grew up very differently. I was the family scapegoat and suffered extreme and intense abuse. She was the golden child who could do no wrong.
She was just as much one of my abusers as anyone else in my family. When I was four, she cut off my thumb just because she could. I use to have to stand and face the wall so that she could jump off of the furniture and kick me in the back of the head, smashing my face over and over until she got bored. My face carries many scars from that and much more. My mother rewarded her for abusing me.
At the best of times, I was her servant. She never failed to remind me that she was better than me.
When I moved back to my hometown as an adult, my sister was always at my house. I thought she was trying to turn over a new leaf and have an adult relationship with me. Boy, was I wrong. WH started an affair with her before he could even unpack. It continued until my morally bankrupt sister was arrested for dealing drugs out of her house.
Until recently, I never told my husband about my childhood abuse. I wanted to pretend like it never happened. It just hurts that WH hooked up with my monster of a sister. Anyone else on the planet would hurt bad enough, but to choose HER?
When we were teenagers, I would never date anyone who had been attracted to her, let alone involved with her. I knew what a mean, selfish person she was and I had to question the type of man who was attracted to that. I would never give them the time of day once they had anything to do with her.
Now I'm married to one. Their A happened years ago, but I just found out about it six months ago. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it.
I'm not a dog, but she is truly ugly from the inside out. It turns my stomach to think about it.
I have worked so hard to be a better person than the family I was raised in. I raised both my kids and hers (the state took them away because she was abusing them the same way she abused me growing up). I worked hard and earned everything I have without any help from anyone ever (including my WH). I have been a faithful, loyal, and devoted wife and mother. I didn't deserve this.
WH is now being wonderful. It would be so much easier if he was still being a selfish jerk like he has during our entire marriage. I would just divorce him without a second thought if he were.
We are trying to R, but the problem is that I just don't know if I love him anymore. He is trying to rekindle that love, but I don't know if that's even possible.
WH has had 4 other affairs. He even has an OC with OW#1 that is the same age as our daughter (3 months apart). Even so, the one with my sister is the one that hurts the most.