SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello my SI friends, as per post title I’m having a tough time at the moment and I need to reach out.

I’m roughly 20 months post DD now and have sunk in to an abyss, it’s been a good few days I’ve been like this, man the grief is unbearable and I’ve started with a feeling of a person inside me just sobbing, I could be going about my day as normal and there’s a little person inside me just heartbroken and sobbing. I’ve never experienced this inside crying before and I tried explaining to my H who then suggested we go to a doctor which makes me feel more hopeless. I’m wondering if it’s sadness trying to be heard?
I think I’ve been in grief for a while now but it’s all come to a head, I’m tired, tired of being sad.

I’m sad I lost too much.
I’m sad that I’ll always remember.
I miss being in love.
I miss having one person.
I don’t like being sad.

With every bout of grief that comes it seems harder to pull myself out and I’ve come very very close to telling my H I just can’t do this anymore because the pain is unbearable, his attitude had been lacking for a few days because of tiredness and he said something along the lines of ‘what can I do about that now?, I can’t change that’ with a tone I don’t appreciate, I told him to say it again if he dared and I’ll show him what I can do about it now. He said sorry and asked for patience because of tiredness, usually I’d agree but I told him I have been patient for the past 25+ years, I don’t have much left. I’m tired too.

When I’m upset my H always points out the good in our lives and I’m glad he does because until he does I can’t see it, even with his faults I have a man who’s desperately trying to be a better man and succeeding for the most part, he is able to identify his flaws, his weaknesses and his traits, the people pleasing?, I have not seen any signs of that for a long while, in fact he is able to successfully sit in being disliked by people, discovered he actually likes himself when he puts boundaries in place and does what he actually wants.

Me?, I don’t like living with uncertainty, my life feels incredibly flat and I still struggle with injustice at times.

God I’ve had enough, I didn’t want this.

Bruce.

God I’ve had enough, I didn’t want this.

Me neither . I am so sad to see that you are hurting . I don't have much more to add to this but I wanted to let you know you have been heard (((HUGS))).

I have a suggestion that you may want to try . Tomorrow is Thursday...and there is a Thankful Thursday thread in this Forum! I got inspiration for that thread from another BW who wrote her own Thankful Thursday thread . She said that the counselor had homework for her and her H to do for the next week's session...write down three things that they were grateful for about each other. Studies have shown that being grateful can actually change our brains for the positive...I learned that a week or so ago !

You wrote how your H points out the good things in your lives and it makes you glad when he does it because you can't see it until he tells you. MAYBE you can think of ONE thing to write about in that thread tomorrow? See how it works if you focus on something that you are THANKFUL for in your M? You've come so far in your recovery...and it may be just one little thing that will get you over this grief hump.

I remember how GOOD it felt to write thankful things down in the original thread the other BW started...and it really is something I look forward to every week...finding something I am THANKFUL for . Even in grief...there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. BONUS if you can write more than ONE thing !! Well...you don't really get any bonus...it just gives ME a bonus when I see someone write their positive experiences in that post !

I don't mean to be glib about your pain. I apologize if I come off that way. I saw how a positive thing you wrote in your post was when your H mentions the good things in your M and it makes you glad...and it reminded me of how positive thoughts can combat the negative thoughts I get. Hopefully you will find a way out of this vicious grief phase.

Hi Bruce,

I hear you and can feel with you. Crying inside...it is something you can feel deep within you. I recently have been feeling this hurt in what feels to be my core....the foundation of who I am.

It is very good you recognize it. Now what I think is important for you to do is ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL.

This is grief. Grief mourns a loss. Grief aches. Grief hurts. And yes...Grief cries.

Try to put the losses you feel into words. Try to get to the root injuries. You husband cannot do anything about it per se. But he CAN be there with you. He can listen to your words describing the grief and he can in some ways share it through empathy. He can share it by acknowledging it and justifying it.

This will be in waves. But over time, you will be able to live with it. It may never leave you altogether, but your heart will heal and grow stronger. Stronger but at the same time softer.

It is written of Jesus that He is "aquatinted with grief". He knows your sorrows Bruce.🙏❤️

Hey there, Bruce. I know what you're feeling. I know how hard it is. BTDT!

But! There's a silver lining here.

I think what you're experiencing that final stage of grief - acceptance. We all go through denial, anger, bargaining and depression before we finally start to accept that this is our story, that we've survived infidelity.

Acceptance is not the same as healing; it's what allows us to truly begin to heal.

Slowly but surely, as you start to find joy again, inner peace will follow.