SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I frankly think I can get the pole position here about the mere number.

I just found another one, I almost see no point sharing it, because it is getting ridiculous.

Since I shared this on I can relate forum, I will just copy it here too.

because I am feeling I am getting crazy:

What I find really unbelievable, is my wife's response.

"I do not remember this person, nor that I ever organized this trip. I am not even sure I ever wrote this e-mail, if you did not planted here"

For context, guy from Germany writing her "Love you - miss you - when are we going to see each other again - emails, when he says that he is coming to Poland to her city, she checks flights for him, and mentioned after confirming she will look for a hotel.

That's when my father was on the brink of death after a Heart attack, I was alone and crushed and she refused to come to me. But she was organizing a trip for this "I love you" guy, planning it to finish 4 days before she would fly in to me.

Dated 2 days before my birthday, just to add thatextra layer of "nice"

Note: Same bar of the previous Just Found Out, different guy.

The scary part is that she had probably a number of these kind of flirts over the years during our long distance relationship. I found several. She tells she absolutely does not know who this person is or to have ever written that stuff.

I ask myself, is it possible? She seems adamant, complete poker face that I would believe if I did not have the proof in my hand.

That's how convincing she is on this one.

What is going on here?

Because I am feeling I am literally losing my sanity.

I am almost starting to worry about if I did not lose contact with reality.
In addition to feeling the emotions that you all know too well.

[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 7:28 PM, Wednesday, March 4th]

Hi, I don't know your full story, but just based on this post, understand many cheaters will continue to lie even when there is undeniable proof.

IMO she is gaslighting you.

I do not have the credentials to diagnose anyone but my job put me in contact with every conceivable type of person soooo going out on a limb here. She sounds like a sociopath. They do exist. They do terrible damage to people around them because THEY DO NOT CARE! If she is this "out there" she has no business being married. You need to protect yourself emotionally from reading any more of these. They are harming you.

What she hopes to gain is a mystery but it would not be a surprise if she thinks of you in the same vein as a dependable vacuum cleaner. You keep her world neat and tidy for her. That’s about as much emotion as she can expend on anybody. Please understand this is all guesswork on my part but this appears never ending.

Look for horses not zebras when you hear hoof beats. It sounds like gaslighting.

I remember thinking my WS needed to talk to a doctor because I was sure he had memory loss. Nope, it was just world class lies and compartmentalism.

If she’s proven to be a liar then there is a reason you should trust yourself.

Don’t let lies and gaslighting and manipulation control you.

So soiry for you.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 2:21 PM, Thursday, March 5th]

It might be that she is unable yet to face up to the full extent of her shameful behaviour, and buying herself some time, peddling furiously underneath an impassive exterior, so inhabits an automatic denial.

The interesting thing now is not her response, but what your response to it is going to be.

Coming back to this, to recommend you spend some time in the Healing Library. Trickle truthing is normal at this stage, a misapprehended and damage limitation attempt by the WS to retain control, amongst other things. There is, in what you have written here, and in another thread, the possibility of your WS playing out adolescent to parent dynamics. It may take time, if she has the maturity, for her to see beyond this cat and mouse game to the real hurt she has caused, but it sounds like any accountability is nowhere near being present as yet. It is btw not unusual (my WS played away for example whilst my dad was dying) for a WS to use an A to escape from coming face to face with mortality, it’s a common trigger point.

Given the wilful childishness we see in WS behaviour, it’s very hard not to behave like a parent but we must desist (not saying you are, but sounds like she’s behaving that way). It’s enough for them to see the horror in our eyes for them to eventually realise the monster they are in danger of becoming. IMO

Where are you finding this information? From the same resources that the other recent discoveries have been found?

for a WS to use an A to escape from coming face to face with mortality, it’s a common trigger point.

This is interesting, effectively she had affairs every time I was going through hardships to keep her in my life, and is like "if she can't have it how she wants with me, then --> next guy in line"

Except the first one, few weeks after we got together, she was crazy in love, abroad student, she cheated anyway.

That's what it ruined it all for me.

Where are you finding this information? From the same resources that the other recent discoveries have been found?

Yes, she spontaneously gave me access to her emails and social media, passwords and everything.

She does not delete stuff, so she was looking back the period when she had her affairs to show me what was going on.

Is like she genuinely does not remember these others, I found out by curiosity of "let's see how long she was talking about the affair in time"and there it is, affair with another guy. Then when checking how long pops up this one.

I am baffled she is oblivious about these