SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Second time around.

I forgave him the first time but now he’s cheating again. I was played a fool. Now he’s saying he wants a separation but I told him I prefer a straight divorce. I want everything a judge will grant me.

A lot has happened since the first time. I was hospitalized several times and he told my brother he didn’t signing up for the issues of my bipolar and Schizophrenia. For a while I blamed myself and played the pick me game. Knew he was having an affair but still I gave him sex. Hoping he’d choose me. No more. No more funny business.

The sex started to dwindle then just over shadowed by other small things. Don’t want to get too graphic. But I’m done trying to save my marriage with someone who yells and curses at me. He can afford it.

I told him I want a divorce now I wait. I’m on disability and on a fixed income. I feel like such a fool. He will have to pay for the divorce.

How do I scratch 16 years out of my life? How do I pay my house bills how do I go on?

Destiny,

Get a good lawyer to fight for everything you are entitled to. I know this is really hard but congratulations on getting yourself out of infidelity.
And take care of yourself. You deserve better.

First off, what a terrible situation - to be betrayed a second time after giving him the grace of reconciling the first time! Second, if he can afford a divorce, he can afford alimony, possibly for the rest of your life depending on the laws in your state. Many family/divorce attorneys will provide a free initial consultation. Take advantage of that and talk to a bunch of them before you choose one. They can't help you with the heartbreak, but they can help you pay the bills!

I want the alimony and whatever else I can get.

16 years down the drain.

Thanks for the responses. I love this forum. It got me through the first time and I know it will help the thousands that are seeking advice and comfort.

I’m in a dark head space but I know I’m the right place right now.

destiny777 ( member) posted at 3:35 PM on Sunday, December 21st, 2025

You are not a fool. You didn't deserve this and I feel your pain, and understand what you're feeling. You are human, and you gave him more chances than he deserved. We often fall into a trap of trying to save something that is not feeding our soul. We hold onto the "what if", and the dream of what it "could have been". That dream is hard to let go of.

It's even harder when they show no signs of remorse, or they don't choose us. It's not "us" it's them, they are the issue. Deep down they are flawed people without the capacity to take responsibility for their own actions.

Please get yourself STD tested to be safe. You don't know where he's been or who he's been with, and you don't need any other surprises.

Make a plan, gather documents, make this your new passion in life. Find an attorney, and start asking questions. You may have a steep curve to getting used to a new lifestyle. In your current situation you may find the courts are sympathetic. You may be entitled to ongoing or permanent alimony, depending on your state. You may be entitled to any pension or SSN benefits he has. If you have a joint account, take out half and keep it where he has no access.

You never know if they'll empty retirement accounts, stock, IRA or bank accounts out. Better to brace for the storm, than wait for it to consume you.

I know it's hard, uncertainty and worry about how to survive are cause real stress. If you have any family I would reach out to them and talk to them in case you need help or a place to stay. He can't force you to leave. If the home is paid off then it's an asset. If it's not then it's still an asset for the equity. If you get the house, sell it if needed to get something smaller and more reasonable. You might have to move, depending on the outcome.

Try to keep yourself focused on the things you need to nourish your heart and soul right now. This will suck the life out of the best of us, and it's a path that we must travel to get to the other side.

Don't allow him to dictate what is best for YOU. Try to stay balanced, but remember to not cut him any slack. You owe him no great kindness. Remove emotion in your financial decisions and do what's best for you, and get every single penny you're entitled too, even if it makes him homeless.

You'll get through this in time, one day at a time. It may seem like an eternity, but time feels like it moves slowly when in the midst of this trauma. Breathe, take time for yourself. Make sure to sleep when you can, and drink enough water.

Reach out here, you're in a friendly, safe place. We understand.

Double posted by accident

[This message edited by Muggle at 10:21 PM, Friday, December 26th]