SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So I found out my partner had been on websites Fabswingers, Adultwork and Onlyfans. D-day was 10th Feb, I asked to see his phone after he'd been acting off lately. I wasn't able to see if he had actually met or talked with anyone on FS however in his history he had been accessing sent messages, inbox and his photo form. Along with a deleted nude I found the same day he'd been on Fabswingers searching for all genders/ages all whilst watching porn in between. As for Onlyfans I did find a few weeks ago that he had been sending dirty messages with one lady and paid for private content, him even sending a nude to her. I found nothing else on his phone on socials. He tried to lie about the Onlyfans saying he'd been faithful but then apoligised when I showed him the proof saying it was a huge mistake.

His explanation was that he was looking to see if I had any accounts (we originally started talking on Fab before matching on Tinder). He is aware that I was an escort and had an OF years ago also. Apparently he was just frantically clicking on anything to see if I'd made any fake accounts. I made a Tinder in November to see if he was using it then uninstalled it when I couldn't find him. He had used a Cheaterbuster app which showed I'd been active around this time hence his supposed paranoia. Im not sure I believe him.

It's been a horrific week however I love him so much and can't imagine being with anyone else. He's my best friend and always been amazing except a few other bumps in the road this past year with similar issues. He's said he will do anything I want or need to make things right, he is happy to do couples counselling and said he can log onto my laptop on his socials.

I'm absolutely heartbroken and not quite sure how to proceed. I know I definitely want couples counselling. He has said I can look at his phone any time I like. We have a location app installed now too. I kinda want him to log into his socials on my laptop however I think if I do this it won't be building trust naturally? Maybe short term could be okay?

Also wondering if anyone else has any suggestions on what helped moving forward?

Frankly – I think both of you need to sit down – separately – and decide if you want to remain with each other, and what it is you want out of this relationship.

Look – You install Tinder to see if he’s there, he installs software to see if you are on Tinder... You don’t believe him... It really does sound like there is very limited trust going on. Both ways.

If you – individually – reach the conclusion that you want this partner...

Well... Then the two of you sit together and be very clear to each other what it is you want.
What is it in your partnership that makes it worth the effort.
Be clear on expectations on fidelity, finances, intimacy, family.

Basically – stop this mutual treatment of each other as "the enemy" and start working together at some clear and mutually shared goal.

Your marriage is lacking in trust.

I think you need to start there. Learn how to build trust. How to communicate as adults.

I hope you find a professional counselor that can help you work through and resolve these issues.