SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi.

I need your input.

My son has a parole hearing on September 26. He has asked me and whoever else I think would be helpful to write a letter to the parole board. I wrote one and read it to him the other day on the phone. He thanked me graciously, but told me that he thought it was too long. And then he didn’t think that they would want to know everything about his childhood, about being born addicted to crack cocaine, about a concussion at a very early age, etc.

So I am a little bit at a loss.

First of all, I disagree with him. In my head, a parole board should know that he was born addicted to cocaine, and all the hardships that he had growing up. So that they wouldn’t think that he had no circumstances that contributed to his poor choices.

Also, I really don’t know what is left to say to them other than I want my son to come home.

Can you help me with this?

First of all, would the parole board want to know of his difficulties that might’ve contributed to his choices that wound him up in jail? Or would they consider those as excuses?

And, if not, what exactly kind of letter would it be beneficial to my son to write to the parole board?

Thanks so much for whatever suggestions you can give.

First off, I don't know ... That said, would a parent's letter really be helpful at all? Most parents are going to say their kid deserves all of the chances in the world, and I imagine that the board has seen every version of that letter, and probably with all of the excuses that go along with it, as you suspect yourself.

The thing is that that tons of kids are born with disadvantages. Like your sons. Many worse than that. And they don't all make crappy life choices that land them in prison. Perhaps your son has a sense of that, hence his thinking the letter is too long and too detailed. It sounds like maybe he is mature enough now to stop with the excuses?

I think any letters that are going to make a difference are going to list any better choices he has made while in prison (job training, courses taken, counselling, etc), and then talk of the support he has once out, where he is going to live, concrete plans for continued training, counselling, job plans, plans to help him stay straight/sober, etc. I would concentrate much more on the future and what he is doing currently to be better in the future than on a lousy past. JMO, and I hope it's taken kindly like I mean it.

I don't know either but I agree with SacOfSorry.

I would focus on what changes he has made since going to jail and what kind of support he will have when they do let him out.

I would steer clear of making any excuses or explanations for his behavior. I would think they would want to see that he has taken responsibility for the choices he made and has taken steps to improve himself such as job training, anger management, counseling and having showing good behavior while he was in jail.

I hope things work out for you both.

I agree with the above posters.

I want my son to come home.

WHY do you want your son to come home? How will you support him to make better choices? Expand on this in your letter.

What positive changes have YOU seen/heard in him since he's been in prison? How will these changes help him in life outside of prison?

Focus on the future. Focus on the positives.

Just my thoughts. I have no experience with this.

I think his head injury snd other issues (maybe undiagnosed) lead to his making questionable choices.

I think you want to show the parole board that he is coming home to an environment that will address these issues and help him be able to make better less impulsive decisions.

I hope this helps you.

I read an article recently in People magazine that you may find interesting. I don't think we're supposed to post links so google people magazine concussions prison. That brought it right up for me. It's about a fellow that was in prison who had suffered a concussion, and now runs an organization to help such people resulting from a study that shows that ~ 50% of people in prison suffered from traumatic brain injuries. I was just thinking that looking into that organization might offer some tips for re-training the brain, and they say they can help to locate help within the community for people.