It’s my son’s wedding, and his mom will be there. The event - two evenings, first a "rehearsal dinner" and then the wedding, is in late September.I’m trying to keep it classy and politely formal, not mention, my inner turmoil to my son and his fiancé (and daughter who will also be there) = how anxious and unhappy I am at the prospect of being in the room with the ex. Also, some of her family may be there - her brothers. Some of my relatives will be there - an aunt and uncle and cousins. I’ve talked to them a little bit about helping me avoid awkward situations, Ike getting trapped in conversations I don’t want to have.
I’ve been totally non-contact with the ex. I don’t want her to know anything about me (that was her choice, right? she divorced me, that means I’m no longer any of her business. She’s still, I gather from info dropped inadvertently from friends, with the bf she cheated on me with. My son asked on her behalf if she and bring a "plus-one," and I could also. said no. The wedding is for my son and his fiancé, not to parade paramours. I’m dating someone currently, but I not seriously enough to bring to a family event like a wedding. I certainly don’t want to be thinking about being in the same room as the bf instead of focusing on the wedding.
This is how the ex works. The message behind it is "aren’t you over it, yet?" And If I say "no," then she’s made the point that I am unreasonable. I "should" be over it, in other words. It’s the kind of manipulation I’m trying to avoid by going non-contact. I’m sure she would love to push me into supporting whatever micromanagement schemes or worries she has on the children. I’m also upset that she apparently knows I’m dating.
My aunt blurted out some things about how I should get over it "for the children’s sake." That threw me for a loop. The children are in their 30s. I’m not going to "get over it" for the sake of everyone else’s convenience, or because they’ve been fed fairy tales about happy endings. My feeling is that she’s my abuser, the way she treated me did some real trauma. It’s like sitting down for dinner with the person who shot my dog. Some things just can’t be got over.
I want to be at my son’s wedding, but I want to enjoy myself, and at this rate, I’m just going to be a bundle of nerves.
I tell myself it’ll be like when I returned to the family home to sell it after living overseas for a three years. Once I actually got into the house, there were some rocky moments - unpleasant memories and feelings came up, but I got used to it. I suppose it will be like that. Knowing it doesn’t help though.
Anyone else gone through this? Tips? Advice?