ADHD isn't an excuse, but it can be an explanation. I'm ADD (ADHD distractive type or something like that). There are things I pretty much can't do that Attention Excess people can do with their hands tied behind their backs. OTOH, I can do things that AE folks can't even dream of doing.
The above is neither here nor there. If an ADHD person becomes a WS, the least they can do is look for a treatment that works.
If you're a BS of someone with ADHD, you get to decide whether you stay or go. There's no need to stifle yourself because your WS is different from most people. If you stay, though, it makes sense to me to require the WS to find treatment for their ADHD.
Impulsiveness is one symptom of ADHD. That can lead to getting distracted by a person and deciding sex with that person is a good idea. (I certainly notice women other than my W. I understand wanting to love everyone who looks good to me. I'd do it, too, but for the fact that I just don't see a way to have a deep connection with my W and go with other women; I know it's one or the other. But many ADHDers don't make the same connection I do.) In any case, your H may be experiencing symptoms of ADHD in wanting sex with lots of women, not sexual addiction.
If you're thinking of staying, my reco is to require your H to get treatment from a qualified person who can prescribe ADHD meds. In a lot of cases, the effect of meds come pretty quickly, though not always. That may make the difference between going and staying.
But it doesn't have to. If you're done, so be it. Fear is normal - you're going into a new sitch. And if your WS won't get treated for whatever ails him, I agree with your friends that your workload will become lighter if you ditch an adult child.
*****
...he tells me he can’t accept we wouldn’t be together....
That sort of statement scares me - if you say your M is over, will he get violent? Will he stalk you? What do you make of that statement?
[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:26 PM, Tuesday, April 30th]
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.