Sorry you're here Devasted. It's a horrible pain and trauma.
You will get tons of advice. It can be overwhelming.
But to answer your thread title question: I don't know that anyone "gets over it," but healing does happen. The pain eases. The anxiety lowers. The scar remains, always.
It's common for betrayed spouses (BS's) to scramble for / toward their marriage / family and try to restore "normal." This is done to soothe the pain and anxiety. Perfectly normal.
However, real healing is deeper work. For you, take a breath or 20. This will take time and lots of it. You will not have it healed nor figured out anytime soon. The typical heal time quoted around here is 3-5 years. That's you healing, not your marriage healing, you.
To help yourself:
Consider a therapist particularly one schooled in trauma recovery. It really can be invaluable in stabilizing your emotions and giving you the tools you need to navigate this nightmare.
Practice radical self care. That means eat, drink, get meds if you need them for sleep but also tend to yourself like you would a sick child. Need rest? Rest. Need comfort? Call on your support system. Find little or big ways every day to bring yourself a moment or two of peace or even fun. Get that massage. Read that book. Go to that movie. Whatever loving thing you can do for yourself. This is soooo hard when we are filled with pain and anxiety. But it truly does help over time. I swear.
Manage stress. This can mean learning meditation, exercising, breathing techniques, or anything else that lowers stress and anxiety for you. Your wayward husband should be on hand to relieve you of any duties or chores that you can't manage right now.
Rally your troops. Friend, sibling, pastor or whomever. In addition to a therapist, having a support system that loves and cares for you truly does help. You will need to be loved and cared for and while your husband may want to provide that, you will need it from sources that you trust.
Don't stifle your thoughts and feelings. If you have questions, ask them. If you need him to hear about your pain, tell him. You need this poison out of your body and he needs to deal.
Your wayward:
Honestly, you're going to get a bunch of advice on what makes a wayward worth reconciliation but for now, the focus needs to be on YOUR healing. You will need strength to weather this storm. What he can do to assist you:
As above, assist with the daily stressors of life and take things off your plate
Do everything in his power to make you feel safe including ending things with AP, block and delete her. ABSOLUTELY NO NEW CONTACT. This is critical.
Total transparency. He has lost your trust for very good reason. You can look at anything you want, question anything you want. It's not about policing him as much as is it verifying that you can breath a little and work on your healing.
Therapy for him as well. This is truly his call but he needs to work on his issues and until he does, he is not a safe partner. You can't force him to go but you can certainly say that his seeking professional help makes you feel better and if he chooses not to, you will struggle much more to regain your footing.
Hope this helps. Keep posting