SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Per Superesse's request, I will share our colorful relocation story for those wondering how we survived the ordeal. As a reminder, about six weeks before our move, I was diagnosed with a very early form of breast cancer. Had surgery in LA, then drove cross country with our dog, hitting up Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Parks (couldn't get out on any trails, though because pooch was with us). We spent a few nights in the Chicago area catching up with friends we hadn't seen since before the pandemic.

Got to the Boston area and I started radiation about a month later. The first weekday I didn't have to go to Dana-Farber for radiation, H ended up in the hospital with a 6mm and 12 mm kidney stones for three nights. That involved several procedures over 2 1/2 weeks - the day before his last procedure, my D, her H and I all tested positive for COVID. Needless to say, in a very short amount of time, we got a crash course on the Boston medical system.

We settled into our apt. with half of our belongings, while the other half went into storage and proceeded to go about our lives, giving as much attention as needed to the house project. Thankfully our apt complex had a decent gym, so I managed to get back into my workouts, which for me, is oftentimes more mentally beneficial than physically. I found a new massage therapist and Pilates instructor to help me regain some mobility in the pec wall and underarm area that were restricted due to surgery and radiation.

We returned to CA for Thanksgiving with our other D and her H and had a lovely time, but I think being gone for a week may have set us back a few days. Our pooch was not happy that we left him with our daughter here, which meant he was dodging their alpha Chihuahua and year and a half old toddler. I worried about him - he wasn't eating, but after a couple of days, they coaxed him into it, and he was fine by the time we returned. Our D from CA came out for Christmas, which was nice. We'd hoped to have the project further along at that point, but she got to see a lot of progress.

The lease in our apt. was up Sunday, so ready or not, our movers came Saturday and moved all of our apt. stuff into the house. We stayed at our D's house Friday and Saturday night, but Sunday H stayed here, while I remained at her house. Workers were due to be here Monday morning around 7, and I'm NOT a morning person. I stayed at the house Monday night, then Tuesday stayed back at my daughter's place since workers were going to arrive really early Wednesday morning again. We both stayed here last night. Interestingly, the two nights I did not stay here with H, the pooch had issues... wouldn't eat in the morning at all. He had a couple of accidents in the house, too. So I think when I'm not here in our bed, he's stressed.

For the first day or two, we only had one working shower and toilet. In anticipation of the day when I don't want someone to have to wipe my but, we decided to go with a 'fancy-damned' toilet, as H describes it... a bidet, in our bathroom. Costco had an excellent deal on a Kohler, which we ordered back in late November. When they went to open it early this month, it was broken, so we had to arrange for it to be replaced, which took almost two weeks. Well, the replacement came last week, and we checked it over very carefully for defects. But when our plumber went to install it, he saw a hairline crack in what we assume is the tank area. So we had to order another replacement, which came today, and when it arrived we checked out every inch before the delivery crew left. So tonight we will have a full-functioning primary bath. (LOL... I just watched them carry that toilet across the living room toward the bathroom - thankfully I heard no thuds!) The dumpster and port-a-potty were taken away Friday, so we can now pull into our driveway.

A couple of weeks before Christmas, a very large cedar tree in our backyard neighbor's yard that abuts the fence between our properties fell in the nasty storm we had. It took out at least half of the fence, but it was one we'd already talked to the neighbor about replacing this summer anyway. This spring we will start planning for what we want to do in the backyard with regard to hardscaping and any landscaping. We get good sun in the first half of the day there, and I may try my hand at some gardening if I can do raised beds (anyone here have any recommendations for using raised beds?)

Today has been a madhouse. Electricians are hanging some light fixtures, tiler is doing kitchen backsplash, HVAC put up all the vents in the ceilings and hooked up our generator, stovetop hood has been installed, cabinet pulls are being placed on bathroom cabinets, wallpaper was hung in H's office, charger for H's EV is getting hooked up (yay! we had no place to charge at the apt. complex). Yesterday Best Buy was here finishing installation of our AV system.

Tomorrow morning at 8, H meets the movers at our storage unit and the rest of our stuff will arrive here. Wallpaper hanger will be back tomorrow to finish up, as I guess the tiler will be, too. I'm hoping the electricians finish putting all of the outlet covers on today so they don't have to come back tomorrow. Technically, we don't have a CO yet, but if an inspector stops by, we can always say our stuff is in the house, but we're staying with our daughter down the street (which has been true a few nights).

Our last big project are the two fireplaces. They were initially installed too low (they met code, but were too low for our aesthetics). They will be here tomorrow to raise the boxes 4" and measure for the glass panels. Those will take a couple of weeks to get cut, and we are already scheduled for a 2/15 install on those. We also have to have some railing installed that divides our living room from the stairs that go down to the basement. Hopefully it will be here late next week after it's fabricated.

On the days when there's been a lot of workers here, we try to make an attempt to stop by Dunkin' Donuts and pick up a dozen or two to show our appreciation! I never realized what a big deal DD is in MA! I think there are four within our smallish suburb.

Being in such close proximity to our daughter's family has been nice. In the first 3 1/2 months, there were so many medical issues that we were kind of stressed. She has been great the last several days, stopping by to see if she can help. We haven't brought our grandson over in a few weeks because there's just so many ways a toddler can get into trouble right now! But we do see them quite often... several times a week. We've been asked to pick him up from daycare a few times when they had appts., and have babysat a couple of times. He's just recently gotten to the point of when we leave their house in the evenings, and we say goodbye, he starts to whine, so we know he's getting very attached to us. I hate to see him upset, but it feels good that such a connection is there.

One of our neighbors hosts an apple cider party every fall. A family member rescued an old cider press from the side of the road and refurbished it. The neighbors buy bushels of apples and neighbors and friends are invited over and if able, bring an appetizer. It was a lot of fun. We have gotten to know some of the other neighbors since arriving, too.

I look at this house as the last place I'll probably own. We are in our early 60s and have made choices that should make aging in place a bit easier. The only thing I 'have' to go down in the finished basement for is the gym, so if I get to a point where I can't do stairs, that's the only thing I'd miss out down there. H's office is down there, but mine is on the first floor where I took over one of the bedrooms.

It's been a very thoughtful process, but I'm sure there will be things we'd wished we'd done differently, but I'm in full acceptance mode. My only regret so far is that we didn't get out very much to explore the area this fall during peak colors. There was just too much to do. We only hiked a couple of times, despite knowing there are a ton of trails very nearby. We did make it to the ocean - I wanted to be able to say the pooch has now been to both the Pacific and Atlantic oceans.

Loved your update!

Moving coast to coast had to be an adventure and I'm happy you shared it with us. Your home sounds lovely and getting to know good neighbors is a plus. I'm happy to hear you have had great medical treatment there too.

About Dumkin' Donuts - when my daughter lived in Cape Cod, I was amazed at the number of Dunkin' Donuts shops. I'm from the south so we don't really like DD that much, we are CRISPY CREAM< donut lovers. Mass. has as many DD stores as the south has Dollar Stores. But hey - Mass. has the great FIVE GUYS burger joints and we don't have those!

Does your lovely home have hardwood floors? Some friends of mine just built a beautiful new home and they have the most gorgeous hardwood floors and they are heated

It sounds like you have reached the point of really being able to enjoy everything. I don't know anything about raised beds for the yard but I'm sure others here do. We can all learn from any input about that as I'd love to have a small veggie garden in raised beds.

Like Jeanie, I just loved hearing about your adventures! It took me back to when we built out house- not where we are now. We had heard that you should never build/redo a home together… That it would be a huge strain on the marriage… Like that movie with Tom Hanks and Shelley Long. But we really enjoyed it.

Don’t you just love picking out things just the way you like them?

I would like to ask a question though, about the bidet toilet. Having never used one, I have to ask… If it is supposed to prevent you from having to use toilet paper, what do you do with the residual dampness after the bidet does its thing? I know…I lack culture. 🫤

I love your positive renovation story. I hope it all turns out far beyond your greatest expectations!

number4 you are amazing. Truly, your story is inspiring, and not at all the "you know what" nightmare I was worried about, based on my extensive DIY experience with 2 husbands, HAHAHA WR you got lucky in that regard! :)

BTW I have the same question as WR about this bidet thing. I guess ya just pull up yer britches, and keep on gettin' down the hall? LOL

How did the last part of the move in go, did the movers cover up any electric cover plates, that's sort of a no-no for the final inspection for CO (if I was still doing that job! Hope you didn't run afoul of anybody like I used to have to be....)

You know the old, old saying "the cobbler's kids have no shoes?" Then there's "The mechanic's wife has no running automobile?" Well how about "The home inspector's project is never going to be finished?!"

Hoping all goes well - and that you're not going to be in the path of a snowstorm when the workers are due.

Welp, the honeymoon period didn't last long...

But first, to answer the burning bidet questions now that I've used it a bit. Honestly, the thing I love most about it is sitting on a warm seat!! What I've found is, the spray works really well for, um, both areas, but particularly well for the back area (where you really want it to clean well). The dryer works, but wiping dry after rinsing is so much more time efficient. But you're really just wiping dry, not wiping any residual waste (sorry if this is TMI!). So yea, there's a dryer. Other things I like about it... when you walk into the WC, the lid automatically goes up. When I stand up after going, the toilet automatically flushes and closes the lid! For flush, you have two alternatives - eco flush or full flush. I like that it has the option of saving water. So overall I like it, but particularly the warm seat!

So honeymoon period over - Sunday night I took my first bath in my new soaking tub, so filled it up with water and listened to the football game on the TV in our bedroom. We were trying to get an idea of how many things we could use hot water in at once with our 80-gallon hot water heater, so H also ran the dishwasher. After my bath, he went down to the basement mechanical room to check the hot water heater. But before he got to that room, he stepped into water 😤. But it wasn't anywhere near the water heater. It was coming out of our powder room, creeping into about 1/8 of the mechanical room, into an area that will become my craft space, and into our gym area. So he's on the phone with our GC immediately (this was about 10PM) while I ran down to our D's to borrow their shop vac because, we could find our shop vac but we couldn't find any of the attachments. While I was gone, the GC had told H that when I got back, to go into our guest bath on the main level while H was in the powder room downstairs, and for me to flush the toilet a couple of times. When we did this, water came out of the basement powder room toilet. Based on this, the GC said there was likely a blockage somewhere in the waste line outside of the house (because we replaced ALL plumbing inside of the house) and my draining the bathtub and running the dishwasher at the same time, overwhelmed the line, causing water to back up at the lowest point, which was the toilet in the basement powder room.

So I spent the next hour or so vacuuming up the water with the shop vac while H continued to look for our shop vac attachments (he eventually found the hose, but not the attachments). I probably vacuumed up at least five gallons of water, and while it 'looked' clean, ultimately it came from the wastewater line and we knew this. Our GC sent over his drain guy early the next morning - he found a blockage about 10' outside of our house made up of some tree roots. He said the tree roots weren't necessary enough to cause the blockage, but then what happens is toilet paper can get caught on the roots and create more of a blockage. After he snaked all of that out, he ran the line another 90' and it was all clear.

Next on the list was to call a disaster restoration company. They sent an inspector out this morning and unfortunately, it looks like we're going to have to remediate some stuff. The walls in the powder room (which is fully wallpapered with some really cool wallpaper) are wet and one of the walls on the other side of one of those walls. We have LVP throughout the basement and he was able to pick up the presence of water underneath the areas where water got underneath it. If this was a 'clean' water overflow (such as a hot water tank leak or sink overflow), it would be classified as a Category 1 remediation, but because it came up through the toiler, it is considered Class 3, and that entails a different kind of remediation. We have already spoken with our insurance company and their adjuster will schedule an appt with us, then we can start the process, but the remediation is covered. I'm not sure what we will do with the LVP - it is constructed and installed as such that it can be popped out, cleaned up underneath and popped back in - basically it's a floating floor. I assume the remediation team can disinfect it and we won't need to order and buy new LVP (although that would be on the insurance company's dime).

Not sure who will do which scope of work. Will our GC have his guys come back out and do all of it, or does the remediation company provide their own trades? We will have to order new wallpaper, and have painters out again. Thankfully, no furniture was in the area where the water flowed, except an armoire and some gym equipment which can be easily sanitized. But it's not like it was a fully furnished basement at this point with water throughout.

On top of everything, H and I picked up a respiratory virus from our grandson last week and are dealing with that. I'm just exhausted and have been pushing myself way too hard for over a week because I have this innate need to feel as settled as possible. For the most part, the kitchen, our bedroom, our bathroom and closets are put together, so we can function. But with more workers having to come back in for remediation, I feel like we're not going to see the light at the end of the tunnel for many more weeks... just in time to start redoing our yard!

Oh, well... watcha going to do?

Oh My Gosh that is...AKKK...I am so sorry!

I recall having a similar tree root blockage happen in the drain line of an old house I'd renovated, but it was so long ago I can't recall exactly why I figured out I needed a drain line cleaner contractor....Seems like it was a slow-flushing toilet bowl. We were shocked at the way locust tree roots had found their way into tiny joints in the old drain line and then proliferated within the pipe as the roots found an easy source of nutrients! It was....frankly...gross.

I do hope your floor planks can be cleaned and reinstalled. I feel bad for all of you, as even a home improvement contractor isn't expected to go on a subterrainian expedition for where the waste water flows...

It seems there are lots of tree issues.

How are you holding up?

[This message edited by Superesse at 5:28 AM, Wednesday, January 31st]

Yea, we have no blame whatsoever with the GC. We bought the house with only a very minimal inspection because we were mostly concerned with the foundation and it was solid. We knew we'd be replacing every system in the house. It never occurred to us that something outside of the house might create issues down the road. Our designer is reaching out to the flooring store to confirm the LVP can be picked up, sanitized and put back down.

Most of the punch list items at this point are for the electrician - hanging three light fixtures (one inside, two outside), a couple of plate covers, a couple of outlets that are not live yet. To get our CO, we will also need the railing along the stairs to the basement installed. That staircase is 'open' to our living room, and we are having railing fabricated to divide the space between the living room and the stairwell to keep anyone (i.e. - grandson) or anything from falling over. That should be installed perhaps by the end of this week or early next week. It's fabricated; it just needs to be painted and allowed time to dry.

Our designer is coming tomorrow morning with a window treatment consultant. We have three areas in particular that we will need her recommendation - something for our slider out to the backyard, the windows in our living room, and the windows in our bedroom/bathroom (oh, and maybe a valance or cornice above the kitchen sink window). I will use a less expensive online source for other windows that don't matter to me so much. H got some sturdy metro-type shelving units from Home Depot delivered yesterday, so in our unfinished area of the basement, we can start organizing stuff once he puts those together.

It's strange, the odd things that make me feel better about getting settled... today a woman I met through Nextdoor came and picked up all of our broken down boxes and lots of packing paper. She is moving soon and wants to start the packing process, so it's a win-win for us and her! But getting all that cardboard out of the house and garage makes such a difference, despite having all of our unpacked artwork stacked up in the living room. The emptying of boxes has really slowed down (still haven't found those shop vac attachments, though!) so we're past the phase of looking at cardboard everywhere. Also, we chose to go with a double wall oven, where the top is a combination microwave and convection oven. I love having the microwave at basically my shoulder level as opposed to built into a below countertop unit we had in CA. This isn't necessarily a home renovation thing, but H bought some outlet covers that have built in motion-sensor lights on the bottom, so when we walk down the hallways at night with all the other lights turned off, they sense our motion and light up the floor!

The adjuster from the insurance company is coming out tomorrow, and I would assume ripping out stuff in the basement will come soon after.

It seems there are lots of tree issues.

Yea, between the one that came down in our neighbor's backyard into ours, and the ones in our side yard that encroached our wastewater line, it seems to be the pitfalls of homeownership.

Yesterday I was sort of depressed... still not feeling great, and just physically exhausted. I took it easy (actually went and got a mani/pedi), didn't push myself too much, and feel better today. Our GC is working on getting the electrician out again asap. My Pilates teacher got COVID last week so I haven't seen her in over a week now, and our gym is basically unusable due to the equipment needing to be sanitized, so I haven't done any proper workouts. That's not to say I haven't done a TON of physical labor over the last week that MUST count for something, right?

Sending positive thoughts. Hope the remediation and the rest of the remodel go well.

Hope things are okay with you guys, and that your flooring can be salvaged. Too much happening at once!

So we had a visit from an asbestos tester this morning. It is necessary before the restoration company will begin demo. We kept telling them there was not an untouched surface left in the house that could have asbestos, but they insisted it was state law to do so because our home was built in the 50s. Oh, well.

I had a very upsetting afternoon/evening yesterday. We have looked everywhere, multiple times, for a plastic storage bin (think the size you would store wrapping paper in) that has several of my handbags. I brought three with me when we moved, but some others I thought I could do without while we were in the apt. These were not cheap handbags... not thousand dollar handbags, but add them up, and it would be over $1000 worth. It also included some smaller dressy clutch purses for the rare occasions when carrying a larger bag wasn't the look I wanted. We cannot find the bin anywhere. We have opened any box that the bin might have been packed in... but I know for sure, those handbags were in the clear plastic storage container. It's not like I'm looking for a missing sweater or pair of shoes.

Problem is, we have no way of knowing who stole them. One moving company moved our stuff from the West Coast to our storage unit here, so there was ample opportunity for someone to take it off the truck then. And a different moving company moved our stuff from the storage unit to our house, so it could have been taken then. We'll never have any idea which movers were responsible, so we'll never be able to file a claim. I mean, we could pick a company and file a claim, saying we know we knew where the bin was at a certain point (either our West Coast house or the storage unit), but we'd be lying because we really don't know. The movers from CA to here made some pick ups and drop offs along the way, so there was more opportunity then. Our local movers here loaded everything in one truck and drove directly to our house, and H was there at the storage unit as they loaded the truck, so they would have had to make a stop between our storage unit and the house to take it.

While it was a tight fit, I'm now SOOOO glad we took our most valuable possessions with us in the car across country, including my jewelry, our silver place settings, our important papers in files with any identifying paper work.

I just feel so violated. 😤

Well, I THOUGHT we had looked everywhere, but evidently H had put two whole boxes in our mechanical room, and in a corner that I couldn't see if I just opened the door and looked in.

GC is here today to hook up our steam shower, so they went completely into the mechanical room, and FOUND the storage container with my purses. No shopping spree for me now.

But I do feel much better that someone didn't take any of my belongings.