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I'm finding things difficult.

The "firsts" after being separated.

The kids and I first bonfire. It felt weird. But we enjoyed ourselves. Thing is WH always tended to the fire. Not always a good thing since he was all about BIG and not always thought about safety.

The 2 older kids have gone on a camping trip for the weekend. It's just the twins and I home.

Since there's rain forecast for tomorrow we decided to do our bonfire tonight. We roasted weiners and marshmallows and it was fun. But again it felt weird. They also wanted to go play on the trampoline for a while so I was sitting at the fire alone. Funny enough it wasn't for long. The horses decided to come out of their hiding spot in the forest and see what we were doing (from the other side of the fence lol not near the fire).

We made a totally new fire pit and I thought it would make this easier.

This is just a bonfire. Eventually there will be other things. Our first trip to the zoo without wh. Back to school shopping without him. Fishing.

We made it through all the kids birthdays without him. So that's over.

What about Thanksgiving, Christmas. New years.

I guess it's about making new traditions and finally having photos of ME and the kids when it was always me taking the photos of wh and the kids.

Any other tips or suggestions for getting through the firsts?

I feel it necessary to say that I don't "miss" him. Not at all.

It's a new role for me I guess. Doing the things HE did. It just feels weird.

It is weird isn't it? Luckily I have had all the firsts there are and I'm glad. You just have to accept them as they come. You'll see that it becomes a little bit easier every time.
It is a good sign that you don't miss him. That took me a very long time. But I'm getting there....
Spend as much time as you can with your children. Enjoy the simple things of life. You don't need him. Your family is beautifull just as it is.

It is odd. But not necessarily in a bad way. He was a habit— it takes time to carve new pathways in your brain. Every cut your hair short and forget when you go to wash it? Or stop wearing a watch that you wore everyday for years and years? Takes time for the new normal to feel "not new".

glad to see you and your kids doing all the things. Sounds like a wonderful time.

Thank you both. I thought I was alone feeling this way.

He was a habit,a bad habit. And it's not like I didn't do alot around here anyways but it's those few things that were his things that feels weird to do.

Then there's me looking over my shoulder just waiting for him to be angry that I'm doing it wrong. That part will take a while to work past.

You're definitely not alone in feeling this way!! It will take time, but soon, you'll have your own traditions and ways of doing things. The kids will be stepping up and doing more as well. After awhile, it will be weird to imagine him there!

It’s not weird at all. Especially after a long term marriage/relationship.

That said. I do not miss EX WH

That said. I do not miss EX WH

Neither will I! Not after everything he did and continues to do.

I've been holding off making changes to the house but it's time to really shake things up. I need a change and the kids need to too.

I bet one of the new things you’re enjoying is breathing a little easier.

Good luck and much happiness.