Again thanks for your honesty, I don't want to be coddled because I know I messed up just about as bad as a person can. I want to try to take this guilt and make something out of it.
Well, to be fair, you have a stop sign, which you are more than welcome to have as a new wayward poster, but if you remove the stop sign, that means that both BS and WS can reply to your post. Right now, with a stop sign, only fellow waywards can post replies to you and if that is what you want for now, that is perfectly fine, SI will meet people where they are and help them in whatever direction they ask for support.
I think that reading the books is a good start and I recommend the How To Help book first as it is a pretty short read and really helped me to remove my head from my ass.
What as your partner's response been to all of this? How is he doing with all these revelations? Has he talked about long term what this does to your relationship i.e. reconciliation or more of a divorce/separation/things are through? It is okay that at this early stage he still doesn't know what he wants to do and he more than likely is going to be watching your actions to see what you are gonna do. You could encourage him to post here in the JFO or General forums and the folks here can also help him and guide him. What is clear is that if there is to be any chance at reconciliation, both of you will need therapy for different reasons to deal with this trauma.
One thing to keep in mind is that before you betrayed him with your actions, you first betrayed yourself. The saying "hurt people, hurt people" is never truer than in an infidelity situation. By betraying yourself and your stated values of fidelity to a partner/spouse, you betrayed yourself once you started engaging in your first EA and that betrayal hurt you, causing some trauma. However, as is usually the case, there was something in your life previously that was trauma that you were not able to properly deal with. You will need to do a lot of work in therapy with someone who will not coddle you and hold your feet to the fire. The fundamental question will have to be able to answer in order to be a safe partner is "why?" Only once you understand your whys can you begin to put in place effective boundaries to avoid it happening again.
For example, from your initial post, you mentioned that you have a lot of issues with sex, you will need to work with your therapist on those issues and if both parties are willing, down the road you can work on them/through them with your partner. If you don't mind sharing, what type of issues have you had? If you are not comfortable sharing, I am not prying, just simply encouraging you to share if you feel comfortable. Believe me, this group here as seen and heard it all so there is nothing you are gonna tell us that will shock our senses. Again, you are under no obligation to share, but I will say this in my years of being here, the more you give, usually the more you get back in advice. With SI at your fingertips you have the hard fought advice from thousands of folks like yourself who's lives have been impacted by infidelity, and in my eyes/opinion, one is a fool not to use this resource to it's fullest extent possible.
Best of luck and hope you keep posting. Like I said in my first response to you, just by coming here to post takes courage which is something you should be proud of.