Don't take any of my words as harsh. Take them as markers and attention points if you will.
He is playing you. No way is he that remorseful and aliviated for having finished the AP with her since D Day. If he wanted to he would have ended it on his own - specially if he was feeling all that "guilt" from what he was doing. He never did that because he was hapilly eating the cake and keeping it. Why leave in that circunstance?
The way you mencion the sex life was already not that good - because he did not provide, seems to me it shows he was already one foot out the door and with also the way he talked about it.
rang him immediately and he told me who it was and said he was so sorry, he’d wanted to tell me so many times but was so scared of the consequences. He said he’d wanted to end it as soon as it began but that she was threatening to tell me and various other people and he was worried it would blow up massively.
What an example of an husband. The way he behaved was massively considerable. He went the lenght to continue engaging with his gilfriend (albeit unwillingly ofcourse), having almost forced sex with her (I pitty him) whenever he wanted just so the issue would not blow up other peoples worlds... How kind of him... A Saint for sure...
Since then we’ve gone on a weird journey of initial reconciliation
Typical rugsweeping. Do not rugsweep the issue. You don't even know with what reality you are really dealing with. Please, NO.
To be fair to him, he has been nothing but remorseful and apologetic since d-day. He says he wishes he could change it, he knows how much hurt he’s caused, he is totally committed to me and to being the best partner he can be to me.
Was he fair to you when he constantly lied to you over and over and over again when he went to have fun with his girlfriend while you stayed at home doing the "faithful" house wife errands? Please, do NOT do this to yourself. Do NOT excuse the unexcusable at the moment.
She hasn’t taken it well (I sort of understand, it’s a big loss for her)
NOPE. Just NOPE. The hell with her. She was not concerned about your well being when she was having fun with your husband, was she?
You need to take actions. And please, NEVER show him this post or site, as he may use what he reads here against you. The info provided here should be used by you and you only.
Request a written timeline form him. No contact. STD testing. And do not engage in intimacy with him until you know where to go next. Loads of sex recently equals love bombing. Very common strategy amoung cheaters. Also, they both working together... BIG NOPE. NEVER in these circunstances. End of.
As others have said, you think you know your H but you don't..sex with you to him does not equal "love". It equals confort provided to you (or so he thinks) so he can go and continue having fun with his girlfriend without you getting on his case.
Take care of yourself using Actions. Get ANGRY. Get MAD. Don't believe a word he says until you fell he totally procceded to take REAL ACTIONS to ammend what he has done wrong.
If you don't do as such, I'm afraid you might end up with a 18 wheeler semi truck head on colision down the road eventually. Cheaters LIE. Cheaters LIE A LOT.
Eat. Sleep. Drink plenty of water. Engage in some kind of exercise.
You will be alright.
[This message edited by justanotherperson at 7:12 AM, Sunday, October 30th]