What an asshole. And stupid. A stupid asshole. Actually, a stupid, lying, cheating asshole. I start with that because one of the first instincts of every BS is to desperately wish to return to what we thought we had before Dday. The loving, honest, faithful spouse we imagined we had.
The hardest lesson, but the one that must be absorbed first, is that we never had that spouse. That spouse didn't exist in real life. He was a figment of our imagination. Your actual, real-life husband is a stupid, lying, cheating asshole. Do you really want to work to save a marriage to that? A fundamental question you need to answer for yourself.
The corollary is that, no matter what you do at this point, your marriage will never return to what it was. Your marriage might survive, it might become strong and loving, but in some manner it will be permanently different. Even in the best of cases an affair becomes a permanent plus one in the relationship.
That "best of circumstances" only occurs if he is extremely proactive about helping you heal. That means he must have a ton of empathy, he must be sentient and kind, and he must put you first. From what you describe, he doesn't have that in him. Cooking a nice meal for his "fuck buddy" in your home while you're gone, on your 1-year wedding anniversary? People 1 year into a new marriage are normally deeply in limerent love. What you're getting from him now, that's the best you'll get from him in life. Is that man really what you want? If this is his best, what happens when you see his worst?
My suggestion is (a) meet a lawyer, get a divorce started, and hand him the papers when he returns home. Divorces are slow -- like a year or so depending on jurisdiction. You can dismiss at any time, and it is common for divorce cases to proceed in fits and starts as spouses make efforts at reconciling. But the point is, you draw a clear, bright line. He needs to come across that line to you, to make it clear that you are the prize, to try to win you back. As is often said here, get in a boat, point it away from the infidelity, and start rowing. If he is worthy and really wants you, he'll find a way to reach you and get in the boat with you.
Also, schedule an STD test and let him know that there's no touchy-touchy until he has clean STD results.
By the way, stay out of MC for now. He's clearly a broken man with a fucked up moral compass. MC can't help a marriage where one partner is not "both feet in" and guided by a clearly defined set of morals and values. He needs to see IC, and you too.
By the way, the book recommend is: "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair" by Linda MacDonald. It's sort of the Bible of affair recovery.
Also, look up "DARVO". It's the textbook response of a cheater once caught. Be prepared for a lot of dishonesty at first. Lying and sneaking with respect to his AP has become his normal. Being honest will feel abnormal to him.
[This message edited by Butforthegrace at 12:44 PM, Tuesday, October 18th]