SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am married with 2 kids in their 20s.We have been together for 36 years.I am sure that H cheated the 1st summer we were together.He stopped calling me as much and I caught him lies,all of which he denied.I found an earring under his car seat, he said it was his moms(she didn't have pierced ears).I stayed with him because he was the 1st and only person I ever dated and I was so in love.A wife of one of his friends also told me that she saw in in the local mall with a woman pretty close, he said he was at work and she is a liar.(Deny again).Then about 13 years ago he had another affair that from what I can gather was 2 and a half years long.I caught him at her house and found messages on his social media. He would go places and not return for hours and make up lies for every time. He always had an excuse then when I would confront him he would say I am mental and crazy and Paranoid. Then he would accuse me of cheating. My sister and nephew ran into him with the other woman, he said they are liars trying to cause trouble. I still wanted to be with him,I loved him. WHY? While he was cheating with that woman, my daughter and I were shopping and came home to find him and another woman sitting at our kitchen table, when I asked who she was he plainly said she was his date. Then my daughter caught another woman sitting on his lap with her arms around him in our shop(home business), he told our daughter to go back down to the house and go to bed. When I confronted him he said she is lying. I guess everybody lies about him.I still stayed.Then as all of this is going on he started to text and call a woman that he used to be friends with and he liked her. I truly believe things happened with them (he denied this too). I filed for a divorce he was served papers and stopped cheating so I stayed still again.I noticed he was trying to lose weight about 3 months ago then he would say he was going somewhere and be gone for 4 or 5 hrs.always had a lame excuse.My daughter and I went on a vacation 3 weeks ago and we hid a couple video cams in house and caught him bringing a woman in our house, they both went into bathroom then they were in different clothes and her hair was down.I showed him the photos when we got home,he had the nerve to deny it to me and daughter. He has changed over time,becoming more cold and uncaring.He has never been an emotional person, but over the 36 years it has gotten very bad.I honestly don't know the last time he said I love you. He might kiss(a real kiss) once or twice in a year,doesn't hold hands or hug me.We are basicly roommates who have sex sometimes. I am a lonely wife of a cheater.I have an appt.with a lawyer on Wed. I want out this time. Today I went to a flea mkt. with him.he didn't bring his phone (which is glued to his side).Daughter was home and he got a text while daughter was standing there so she snapped a pic of the text from a woman,asking if he slept well and she is getting started with her day and I love you with kiss lips and hearts.When she sent me the pic I flipped on him and of course he denied it even with the proof.He is so sick and then he yelled at our daughter and blamed her for causing trouble.Our son doen't like his dad because he showed me evidence of the one affair and showed me where OW live (yes, he was taking our 2 kids 8 and 12 at the time to OW's house).He has played games with us 3 for so long, blaming us, punishing kids,getting us into debt for way too long. I have had enough. I wish it didn't take this long to wise up. I am sorry this is so long, I just want other women in here to see the signs and to know that most of the cheaters will not quit.It is a way of life for them.

I am truly sorry you find yourself here. I do understand. Take care of you and the kids and let the trash take itself out.

I am so sorry you were here. Your husband sounds like a real jerk. I’m glad you are taking care of business and taking care of yourself. In addition to seeing the lawyer please see a doctor to get tested for STDs. And find a support system beyond your family and kids. You might even think about going into individual counseling to understand why you put up with so much garbage for so long. You really deserve better and I’m glad you’re going after better.

Never beat yourself up for the past. What matters is today. You're moving on to a life of peace and happiness. No more stress and lies. Take a deep breath and be glad you are going to better times. What a relief it's going to be!

I’m sooooo sorry you’re going through this. I honestly still cant understand how people can be such completely terrible people.

And good for you for getting your kids out of this, even though they are adults now. It is good to learn the truth about our lives, and to have our suspicions confirmed rather than swept away. This is a real gift to them.

Please find a good counselor for yourself if you haven’t already.

I see a very positive future for you.

I am so happy for you. I would love to see all the posters who have gone through divorce answer if they are glad. I don’t see any signs that a bs is ever is sorry he or she divorced. Once you’ve had enough you’ve had enough. Congratulations.

I’m so sorry that you’re married to a truly terrible person that only cares about himself. I am too and it’s very lonely and absolutely soul crushing. I am so so so so sorry

Thank you all for your kind words.I have been going to therapy for a month now.I put up with H's crap for so long because I do not have self-confidence, but I absolutely cannot handle any more of his crap. He has taken so much from me and I allowed it because of loving him and no confidence and depression.I am only able to handle it now because of my daughters support and praying and my Counselor and over the counter gummies. The gummies relax me so I don't cry as much in front of WH.I do not want to let him know how much this is hurting me this time.