Topic is Sleeping.
Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 12:07 AM on Tuesday, April 19th, 2022
Talked to my therapist today. She suggested i focus on a good thing (like a course im taking) than this when the mind movies hit.
I wasnt really bothered by wh’s affair (2010) after he left her, since he was undiagnosed bipolar and abusing pills. I thought, hey! Thats not my husband! Lets get him help and he will be the guy i know he is.
Well, 10 years later, i know hes that guy. He had an EA with a coworker in 2019 and also admitted to cheating on his Ow1 in 2010.
Yesterday he was really great during easter. The man I thought i married.
After easter festivities were over i just couldnt get the mind movies out of my head. Made me feel ugly, stupid, unworthy…
keptmyword ( member #35526) posted at 9:03 PM on Tuesday, April 26th, 2022
Made me feel ugly, stupid, unworthy…
Look, there’s something very fundamental you need to realize about all this.
Your husband’s behavior, his infidelity, his decisions, and all the lies that go with it - have absolutely nothing to do with you.
Nothing at all.
There is nothing you did or did not do nor anything you said or did not say, that led or caused him to betray you in any way.
He did this because of reasons that exist only within him - and there is nothing you could have said or done to prevent him from doing it.
So, stop wasting your life’s time thinking and feeling ugly, stupid, or unworthy when none of it has anything to do with you.
It’s your husbands behavior that is truly ugly, his decisions beyond stupid, and he has deemed himself truly unworthy.
It has nothing to do with you.
Filed for and proceeded with divorce.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 9:24 PM on Tuesday, April 26th, 2022
Yesterday he was really great during easter. The man I thought i married.
After easter festivities were over i just couldnt get the mind movies out of my head. Made me feel ugly, stupid, unworthy…
The times when I would see glimpses of who I fell in love with were usually when we went on vacation, even that was short lived. People know how to put forth a good front for holidays too. I know my xWS did. As soon as life went back to it's normal so did he.
Maybe it's the cognitive dissonance. His good persona is not who he really is and when faced with reality it hurts. Don't take it out on yourself nothing YOU did made your WS the person that he is and what he DID to YOU.
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
Buck ( member #72012) posted at 9:24 PM on Tuesday, April 26th, 2022
FWIW, EMDR worked wonders for my mind movies. If the movies did come, and TMI warning, my mind movies mostly happened during sex with my STBX, they didn’t have the same gut punch. I am also able to easily brush them off and put them out of my mind. Just something to consider.
I will say, I agree with keptmyword, your WH’s cheating really does have nothing to do with you. That’s a hard concept to "believe" and internalize because betrayal seems so personal. But you already have knowledge he has cheating on others. It’s him, not you. Some people look outward to fill voids in themselves or derive self worth based on superficial opinions of others. They will never be satisfied or happy with any one person because the issue is within them and not the perceived shortcomings or flaws of their partner.
Flaco ( member #80117) posted at 11:10 PM on Tuesday, April 26th, 2022
Some people look outward to fill voids in themselves or derive self worth based on superficial opinions of others. They will never be satisfied or happy with any one person because the issue is within them and not the perceived shortcomings or flaws of their partner.
This! It’s something I’ve known about my WS but now see more clearly after this whole incident. I have discussed it at length with my IC.
Nevertheless, I still struggle to acknowledge it and often blame myself for our failed relationship. It’s not easy.
DDay 12/6/20 married 13 years at that time. Me: BH 46. Her: WW 41
2 beautiful kids. Legally separating which may turn into D
Topic is Sleeping.
