SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Was out with the kids. Husband at work. Received a phone call and didn’t answer. When I checked it, it was a call from where my AP lives. I did a reverse lookup and didn’t recognize the name, but my affair was long distance, so there’s no way it could just be coincidence. I froze in the middle of a store, had to immediately leave. I thought I was going to puke.

Texted my BH. Asked him to call me. Let him know what happened and blocked the unknown number. It was such a terrible feeling. Like I knew full transparency had to happen, but I also didn’t want to trigger him or make him feel upset at work. I hate this. I hate that a call has the power to make me abandon an errand. I hate the through of my BH being upset and triggered by this.

I wish I could undo all my shitty decisions. Living with this sucks.

From my personal BS perspective though - you handled that exactly right. You blocked and then immediately told your BH about it. For me, whether it triggered me or not, I know I would appreciate the that as a BS.

Just take some deep breaths. You can't undo the A, but you're managing the fallout and that's not a small thing.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^ agreed

consider the call to be spam

spammers have gotten savvy and with some info about you they have figured out how to spoof a number so it looks like maybe someone you know from where you have been

I get a dozen or more some weeks -

If call is important - they will leave a message and call again

no message? no call again? Ya - junk call

Agree with Hippo. Likely spam, but I can see how it would be upsetting. I get unknown calls from states where people I work with live all the time, or numbers that are close to numbers I know. I know it’s spam. These spammers suck.

Also agree with Ellie. You handled it perfectly!

That was exactly the right thing to do.

IAM,

Ugh that paralyzing fear. I know it. It sucks the life out of you for a brief moment in time. Its anxiety inducing. I wish I had comforting words to offer. I too wish I made different life choices, sadly I'll just have to learn to accept it and live with it. Sometimes its easier than other days.

Last time ex and I were out, we were at a place and AP was there. It was a large place and we never did cross paths but it certainly put a cloud above us that evening. I was terrified the whole time. I remember hating myself that night.

Triggers are bound to happen, even when nothing seemingly causes it. I'm sure your BH was triggered before that and will no doubt be triggered again. Sometimes they don't always share it. My advice for that trigger would be to offer yourself up in emotional support if he needs it and reassure yourself that you did well. Even if it doesn't feel like it.

Be proud of yourself for your honesty and courage. Really, be proud. It is your behavior that defines you now. And look at how far you've come! You didn't lie, you didn't hide, you didn't avoid - you got through the anxiety and did what was right by your BS even though it was difficult. Good on you.

[This message edited by ISurvivedSoFar at 10:35 AM, December 22nd (Tuesday)]

I wish I could undo all my shitty decisions. Living with this sucks.

Sorry this rears its head in such ways... You’re getting lots of affirmations here and one more from me, FWIW...

We don’t have time machines, and ultimately the decisions we make mold us, both in good ways and bad. While the pain of such knowledge and knowing the lows of our potential is hard to avoid, I often imagine the alternative future where we haven’t changed for the better. And it’s a bleak place that I’m grateful to have abandoned.

You done good.