Labeled the Cheat

submitted by Errin

I have hated the label "Cheat" that my H has been branded following his betrayal to me. I struggled with how I could continue to share my life with a man who was unfaithful and deceived me beyond my comprehension. Although, it is assumably fitting that he deserves such a label, I find that I feel the need to rescue him from the continuous judgement from his peers and loved ones. The affair going public was out of our control. Both my H and I are active in the community and the talk and gossip was widespread. The comments made, the stares, the whispering was often unbearable for us both. He has never once complained to me that he does not deserve the attacks, but I automatically feel the need to shield him from the scrutiny of our so called friends and peers.

He told me repeatedly that it did not matter what others think about him, that his focus was to prove his remorse to me and rebuild our shattered world. Yet, there have been times when I have wanted to announce from a megaphone to others that he is human too. He is sensitive and has deep regrets for his damaging behavior. I see a man who has owned up to his responsibility and has beyond any doubts regained my trust again. I live with and feel his pain, as he has with my own pain and suffering. I see the glares and hear the rudeness, the cold shoulder treatment that he receives. We have lost friends, or have friends avoid us since the affair went public. Were these people friends? In many ways I feel we have debrided our true friends from the superficial.

We are now stronger wiser and more attached that I could have ever imagined was possible. I refer to my H's affair as his midlife crisis. Yes, he did cheat, but will he be considered a cheat forever? I hope not. If so, I will continue to stand in front of him and somehow try to divert glares and distract him from the whispers. We did not ask others view their opinions or share in our very private nightmare. My feeling is the only daggers thrown his way should have come from me, and I am beyond those days... hopefully others can move on as well and give my H another chance. He is a beautiful man with a wonderful heart and is once again loyal and renewed, and has much to offer these so called friends...